Redraw Your Path

It’s Okay If It’s Winding | Ep. 018 - Kristy Black

• Lynn Debilzen • Episode 18

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Join host Lynn Debilzen in this motivating interview with Kristy Black on Redraw Your Path!

In this interview, Lynn learns about Kristy’s journey from aspiring nail tech to fully qualified designer and entrepreneur. Their conversation touches on:

  • How showing up as ourselves and embracing our unique personalities allows others to opt in or opt out
  • Building belief in yourself through trying on your new identity/role, borrowing confidence from others, and just trying over and over again
  • How the rooms and groups you’re in shape your beliefs about what’s possible for your own life

Tune in for a dynamic discussion on life and growth!

About Kristy:

Kristy Black (she/they) helps entrepreneurs with bright eyes and big whys own their magic, disrupt the status quo, & work exclusively with dream clients through strategic brand design and mentorship. They have the personality of a golden retriever and love seeing other entrepreneurs thrive.

Connect with Kristy:
Get her free Profitable Purpose Branding Workbook
Website: https://kristyblackcreative.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristyhblack/
Find her on other socials: https://www.instagram.com/kristyblackcreative/

Resources mentioned:

Connect with Lynn:

  • www.redrawyourpath.com
  • www.lynndebilzen.com
  • https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynndebilzen/
Lynn:

Hey friends, I'm Lynn Debilzen and welcome to Redraw Your Path, a podcast where I share stories of people who have made big changes in their lives and forged their own unique paths. I talk with guests about their moments of messiness, fear, and reframing on their way to where they are now. My goal is to inspire you about the shape your life could take. So let's get inspired. we have an Awesome interview for you today, my friends. I'm so excited to introduce you to Kristy Black. Kristy Black(she/they), helps entrepreneurs with bright eyes and big whys own their magic, disrupt the status quo, and work exclusively with dream clients through strategic brand design and mentorship. They have the personality of a golden retriever and love seeing other entrepreneurs thrive. That's in their bio, folks. I didn't just make that up. they really do have the personality of a golden retriever and she's the best. I love connecting with her. You're going to love Kristy's energy and all of the nuggets, she has to share Here's the interview. Enjoy. Hello, Kristy Black. It's so great to have you on Redraw Your Path. Welcome! How are you?

Kristy:

I'm so good. Thank you so much for having me.

Lynn:

Yay! Okay, I'm really, really excited and, need to get some new adjectives. That is a joke I have been throwing around with my listeners lately. but I am excited to have you here. Okay, so where I start with all of my guests, is where and how they grew up. So, can you share some context about your life and where and how you grew up?

Kristy:

Oh, yes, I would love to. Okay, so it's the 90s. We are in Chicago suburbs. I'm doing air quotes. It is a town that is about an hour, maybe an hour and a half, if traffic's really bad, outside of Chicago, but we are clinging to this idea that we are a suburb. we aren't really, it's, it's in the cornfields. But

Lynn:

are you dropping names? Are you dropping town names? Are you gonna keep us, Yeah.

Kristy:

No one's going to know it. But if you do, if you hear this and you're like, Oh my gosh, I know of Crystal Lake, Illinois, come to my DMs and tell me I grew up in Crystal Lake, Illinois. There is not much there. There is corn. the singer of Alkaline Trio is from there. So that's about our only claim to fame. but just a small suburban town. there was a train that went to Chicago, so that was a big deal. and then I grew up. Only child, which I loved, which I know is kind of a hot take. I know a lot of people are like, Ooh, siblings, no siblings? And I think sometimes people are like, that explains a lot. You're kind of weird. so only child growing up in the suburbs, really just having a lot of time to myself. and I think that's, even though I'm extroverted, I think the only child, this kind of rooted me into just being with myself, happy to entertain myself. so that's, that's where it all began in a very white suburb. Let's just make it, let's lay it all out there. I

Lynn:

Let's just say the words. Very white suburb with a train going into the city. Did you feel like, okay, being an extrovert but also an only child, which only child clearly explains all of your moral failings in life. but did you feel like that led to being a really creative child?

Kristy:

think so. I think it also did something really interesting where I didn't really compare myself to other people because It was just me. And so I got a lot of messaging of just compare yourself to yourself. are you better than where you were? And that was actually really helpful. For a long time I didn't get it. Cause I was like, well, Tiffany's family does whatever, and they have these things and we don't have those things. But I think a lot of that messaging just came back to okay, but what's with you? How is it going with you? Are you doing what you want to do? And those things really stuck with me and helped me a lot because even today people are like, Oh, I see all these things on social media and I think I should be doing that. And I think I should be doing this other thing. And I honestly, I don't have a whole lot of that. Now that wasn't always true. there were certainly times where I fell into that, but that really, I think is part of the only childness.

Lynn:

yeah, that's really awesome. Did that affirmation or that message come from your parents specifically? Mm

Kristy:

I think it initially started as we were middle class like middle of the road middle class. And so I definitely was at people's houses who had a lot more than us and so I think it originated is stop looking at what everybody else has because we don't have that. But I think that messaging then came back to Okay, but what is it about you? So I think it kind of, I don't know that it was intended to be so aspirational, but my child brain really grasped onto that because I don't think I really understood, how classes work and capitalism and all of that.

Lynn:

yeah, but that's so cool because your parents were like, we need to get Kristy to stop asking us to install a pool. Let's just have her compare herself to herself and how she's doing. And Ultimately, you grew up with the messaging of don't be looking to the outside world for comparison. But

Kristy:

it was, yeah, it was a pool or it was like, oh, can I get a Game Boy or can I get a, I wanted a Super Nintendo so bad. I just, I ached for it. And they were like, nah, like we have one kid. It's not worth it. It's really expensive. there's no way in hell. And I was like, oh, okay. Cue the sad Charlie Brown music. I was like all bummed about it,

Lynn:

I have six different colors of construction paper and a glue stick. Look at what I can do.

Kristy:

yeah, yeah, a lot of, a lot of imaginary friends, a lot of construction paper creations, that sort of thing.

Lynn:

Nice. Love that. Love that. For me, it was always begging for cable. I was like, Oh, all my other friends have cable. We need cable and never got it. Very sad. Very tragic. The tragedy of childhood. okay. So let's, so that was like one kind of message you got from your childhood. Let's fast forward to where you're at now. Where and how do you currently spend your days?

Kristy:

Ooh, yeah, I work for myself as an entrepreneur, and I think maybe some of this is only child stuff. Not sure I connected these things before, but I did not fit in. I have never fit in. Let's just, let's just lay it out. I have never really fit in to a lot of groups, and I found myself sort of bopping around, and I've had these sort of seasons of expanding and being myself, and then contracting and trying to fit. And so where I am now is I am fully expanded into Me, and I think that feels really good. I hope to stay here. This isn't always a season I've been able to hold on to, but I have been for several years now. and I think working for yourself definitely helps with that. You know, I get to dictate what my days look like, what my clothes look like, how I show up. All of those things are sort of within my control now. A breath of fresh air having worked at very toxic jobs with burnout where, bosses were screaming at me in my face, where I was so anxious I was having panic attacks. At one point I lost feeling of the entire left side of my body, which I thought was a stroke, of course, and they were just like, oh, girlfriend, you have anxiety. which was, nice to not have a stroke, but also not great. So I found that I had to just sort of create my own path in that way. And that has been really nice, but it was not a quick journey here.

Lynn:

absolutely. It sounds and I'm excited to get into that journey a little bit and how you became. I think the phrase you used was, you're fully expanded into yourself, which I love, and I'm curious, how did you do that? How did you get there? so, keep dropping those nuggets of, how you fully expanded into yourself as we talk about the turns, because I think that that's, that's really important for listeners to understand that, That doesn't really just happen overnight. It's probably, little by little, you fully expand into yourself. is that what you found?

Kristy:

Yeah. Yeah. And it's not always just linear, straightforward. You get there for me, it's been, Oh, I got there. And then I flew too close to the sun and now I'm going to come back and contract again. And so it's been sort of, uh, It feels like breathing, there's some contracting and some expanding and it all feels maybe necessary is not quite the right word, but it's been sort of my truth. And I think I've come to accept that that's okay. but hoping to, to be full of this for a long time.

Lynn:

Yeah, yeah, because that's a great feeling, right? And if you can work through that and, make it happen, maximize the time. I'm almost seeing, like, a line graph. Maximize the time at full authentic self expansion. That's great. And you know that it's not going to be there forever, but let's try to maximize that and minimize the time at full shrinkage So let's go back to that starting point. I'm curious. you said that you got the message of don't compare yourself to others. were there other external, Pressures or expectations that were placed on you as you were growing up or molds that you didn't ask for?

Kristy:

Yeah, there was never any question about whether or not I was going to go to college. It was just like, you have to go. That's just the way it is. and that was just the story. And I. I rebelled against that even at a young age. I was just like, I don't know that that's the thing. which, first of all, I mean, I'll try not to go down too much of a tangent, but I just think that that doesn't make any sense. there's a whole world of opportunity and they don't all require you to go to college. And so that felt really One note and just not supportive of so many people's lived experience. So I didn't like that even then I've always been a bit defiant. And so initially when I was in high school, I was like, you know what? I'm going to be a nail tech. That's all I wanted. I was like, I just want to do nails. I just want to paint fun patterns and fun colors on nails. And I just think that would be like the best job ever. and it was like, no, absolutely not. You can't do that. And I was like, okay. Ooh, that's not cool. And because that was at that point in high school, pretty much sophomore year on, I feel like I was very similar to where I am now. I was very colorful and I was very much myself. And I had sort of expanded into that. And I was like, yeah, this is it. And I'm going to have this like creative career where like I do nails. and it was like, no, you can't do that. You have to go to school. You have to do this thing. Oddly enough, people were telling me I had teachers, like art teachers tell me to go into design. And I was like, No, I could never do design. My rationale was because I can't draw. What? Literally doesn't make sense. But my teenage brain was like, I can't draw. I don't know how to use Photoshop. Why would I become a designer? Which like, obviously you can learn all of those things. And the irony is not, missed on me now that that's what I do is, it's my full time job working for myself. But I was just like, I want creative. That seems hard and complicated. And I had stories about it. And then I was told I couldn't be a nail tech. So I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. And so I thought I would be a teacher, cause my grandma was a teacher. And I was like, that seems maybe good. My mom worked in schools and I was like, maybe I'll be a teacher. and I had a tour with a tour guide for going to college. And they were like, this is what it's like to be a teacher. And they just told me horror stories.

Lynn:

Oh, gosh. Oh, no.

Kristy:

Gotta love a tour guide college student who's like, I'm not getting paid enough to lie to you. I don't get commission if you enroll here. And she was like, it's a nightmare. I don't get paid anything. I'm burning out. And I was like,

Lynn:

And not even, it was still a, she was still a student or he or

Kristy:

She was still a student. Yeah. She was like doing her student teaching. And I was like, I don't want that. It's so, I had already chosen what school I was going to go to, which was known for education. And I was like, Oh God, like now what do I do? I didn't even really want to be here. And so then, my parents like, maybe you could do business. that seems applicable, business? And I was like, okay, looked at the course requirements, so much math, math is not my friend. And I was like, I don't want to do this. And then my mom was like, your favorite class was speech class. You love to talk. Why don't you go for like communications, public speaking? And I was like, yeah. And I checked the requirements and then there wasn't math. And I was like, that's the, I mean, there was like, whatever baseline math you had to take, but way less than a business major. So

Lynn:

Mm hmm.

Kristy:

to school. I didn't even go to school for design. I went for communication and public relations and Yeah.

Lynn:

and the hilarious thing is, is, okay, what else are you doing as a Nail Tech except designing things? You're designing! You're literally designing all the time! You're, making art out of nails, right? and I love that your brain was like, well, I, I wasn't born out of the womb knowing Photoshop, therefore I can't learn Photoshop. no adults were there to correct these false beliefs

Kristy:

Yeah. No one knew. And honestly, I don't know today that my parents even fully understand what I do. I think they get some of it. They're like, Oh, this is, Kristy did this packaging for this candle. I understand that. But like the rest of it is kind of amorphous. So I'm not entirely surprised that I was like, Oh, I was told to be a designer. My parents are like, we don't know what the hell that is. It's Although the art teachers, I feel like they should have stepped in, but you know, how do you reason with a teenager? I

Lynn:

It, I mean, I mean, you might as well not even start, right? okay, so there was like, definitely the college track, and you were rebelling against that, but it sounds like at some point you, you coalesced. You, you were like, okay, fine, I'll go to college. Any other expectations or values, I guess, that were placed on you that you didn't ask for? Oh, yeah,

Kristy:

it's wild to me because the experience that my parents think that I have is not what I have, which is that they were like, oh, we were like really lax about grades and all this and like, We just wanted you to do your best. And maybe that's what they were saying. But what I heard is your value is tied to how well you do in school. And it was like, I got perfect attendance awards. And I was like, Ooh, aren't I great? Ooh, this is a point of pride. I have to show up. And so I really worked myself raw In school, because I was like, this is how you show your worth. I might not want to be here, but it's important to get the A's to do really well to succeed. which, I learned how to hustle and I learned how to burn out and I was rewarded for it. So those were really unhelpful things that I then had to unlearn in entrepreneurship. Cause I was like, I've always been rewarded for overworking, for overbooking, for overdoing everything. And to learn how to not do that was incredibly hard.

Lynn:

the things we incentivize are just crazy. And it's interesting to that your parents look back and they were like, Oh, we're pretty lax, because clearly there was something that you were hearing. and I don't know whether it was like how they worked or, like one of the things that's interesting and my mom can correct me if I'm wrong when she listens to this episode. Hey, mom. but I didn't think my mom like missed a workday in like my entire childhood. So it's interesting when you go back to that attendance, that perfect attendance award, like even if nobody is pushing that still. You want to be the kid that gets to go up on stage at the end of the year that gets that attendance award. And if that's what you're seeing from the people around you, then that is what becomes valued.

Kristy:

yeah, yeah. And who doesn't want a ribbon and like some attention? I was all about that. I was like, that seems really great. And I remember I had drastically horrible pneumonia in second grade, hospitalized, like we don't know if you're going to make it bad kind of pneumonia. And I remember, you know, kid brain, you're six, seven, not really understanding, like you could die. What I did understand is I'm not going to get perfect attendance. And that, I was like, Ooh, that's, as an adult, as a kid, I was like, this is a bummer. And now as an adult, I'm like, that's messed up.

Lynn:

Yeah, but did you have a comeback in third grade? I mean, that is so Well,

Kristy:

Of course I did. All through everything else, I'm pretty sure I had perfect attendance.

Lynn:

I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you recovered from that pneumonia. okay, so, all right, you ended up going to college, you ended up majoring in communications, you had this, kind of ingrained message of hustle, hustle, hustle, attendance, show up, be busy, if you will. all right, so then thinking about your path. In what ways did you start redrawing your path, or what was the first way that you redrew your path?

Kristy:

Yeah, I think, so for some context, college was definitely a season where I was very, constricted. I changed my whole wardrobe. I was very much, dressing to fit in. I was making myself smaller, both physically and emotionally, just really trying to blend. And there was a lot of it, there were great times, but overall, it was definitely not like my most me season. I felt kind of disconnected from who I had been as a, as a kid. And then again, in high school where I was like, Ooh, this is me. And I felt like I kind of lost a lot of that. and so the first sort of pivot was like, after college, I was like, okay, let's apply for jobs. Any job will do. it was in a recession, so job market was tough. I applied to 25 jobs, I think was the total. I got three interviews, and the one place that was like, hey, we'll take you, is the university I graduated from. And they were like, hey, we'll take you on. It was basically like a glorified admin role, if we're being real honest. And I was like, okay, cool. I got a job. That feels pretty good. I don't love it. It's not really anything I want to do. It was like project management stuff. And I was like, that's okay. but I was like, I really want to be a designer. And I had taken some classes the last part of college. I had taken almost enough for a minor. And I was like, okay, I could go back to school. I got like a discount on classes because I was, working there. And I was like, okay, I could take some more classes or I could just try,

Lynn:

Oh. What

Kristy:

and my thought was the school will always take my money. so I was like, okay, they'll always take my money. Maybe I just try it on my own first and I can come back around and see how it goes. And I actually had the very best boss in the whole world, my first job. And I kind of told her, I think I want to do some more of this like design stuff. And she was like, cool, we need marketing materials, go ahead and make them. And so I was like, okay, so I started doing that. I started. kind of dabbling on the side. And I was like, all right, I'm figuring this out. I was doing invitations for like friends, baby showers and bridal showers and birthday parties and like that sort of thing. but no one that I didn't know had reached out at that point. And there was a moment where I was like, okay, I don't really love this job. And I got a free master's degree in education, which sometimes people are like, why did you do that? And I was like, cause it was free.

Lynn:

Oh, so you did, you did continue going to classes while you were there.

Kristy:

Yeah, I didn't know what to do. And the graphic design ones were a discount, but the master's in education was free and I was still schlepping around this belief that like school was important and you had to do it. So I was like, well, it's free. Let's do it. That's

Lynn:

Might as well.

Kristy:

so I was doing that and I was like, honestly, I think I just want to work for myself. And I had a moment where I was like, okay, you're never going to get a client if you don't tell people what you do. And I just started telling everyone, literally anyone that would talk to me. I'm a freelance graphic designer. And I just started telling people that, and I didn't really believe it. I'm not sure how anyone who heard me believed it, but someone in my master's program was like, Hey, I know someone who needs this project. Will you take on this design project? And I was like, Oh, it's happening. And so I was so terrified. but I started to see oh, maybe this is possible. Maybe I could do this thing that I've wanted to do for a little while now. And so I really started, I went to networking groups and I started getting clients, and it wasn't a whole lot at first, but you don't need a lot at first because you're, you're just trying to find the belief in yourself.

Lynn:

Okay. I have so many questions. So many questions. Okay. So did you have to practice saying I'm a freelance graphic designer without then following up with, I mean, that's what I'm trying to do. Or that's, that's what I want to be doing, but nobody's hired me yet. did you have to go through that? Or did you just Easily end the sentence after designer period.

Kristy:

No, there was no easy end of the sentence. And actually what happened, it started cause I started going to these like graphic designer networking events. And I found myself being like, yeah, I like, I'm like an admin assistant at a university, but I do some design there, but I'm also like freelancing and I could see them glazing over and I could feel myself freaking out. And so I was like, this is such a mouthful and this is not working. And so that's when I started saying Hey, I'm a freelance designer. So I would be like, and I do like print design and web design and like any kind of design. Like I did, I did everything. So then sometimes I would just spew out a bunch of stuff. over time I eventually learned to just be like, Hey. I'm a freelance designer, you can hire me, but it

Lynn:

I love that. Okay. So it takes time. Okay. Note to self. It just takes time. You, you practice and you don't practice it to just your mirror. You practice it with real people and you like stand firm in that thing that you are and or want to be.

Kristy:

Yeah, and honestly, it gets easier with like strangers, especially if it's going to be someone you're not going to see again. you're on an airplane, you're sitting next to somebody and they want to chat to you. You'd be like, Hey, this is what I do. You're never going to see them again. You can practice, practice with complete strangers. And then, you know, if it's a networking group where you might see them again, okay, I get you up the stakes a little bit.

Lynn:

Yeah, I love that. First of all, if someone is chatting with me on an airplane, I clearly didn't do a good, good enough job of displaying my AirPods and looking down enough, because that is the one place my Midwestern ness is shed, is airplanes. don't talk to me until, until it lands, maybe. but okay, can I, I want to ask one more question, just like a little bit of a rewind. So you said when you were in college, that was like a shrinking time for you, where you felt like you were really playing small and not reaching your potential. You were really trying to fit in, which I imagine is really hard. And I think in college, like that age is really difficult. And then that was the job offer that came through. Did you have mixed feelings about that? Like literally kind of going on campus every day to a place where you felt like you would kind of shrunken yourself.

Kristy:

Yeah, yeah, I felt I was happy to have a job. But yeah, I mean, I definitely was like, Ooh, I'm just schlepping around a bunch of stuff that I thought I would be able to get rid of by now. And I'm taking it with me. And I think it really took me just kind of getting tired of that job. It was nothing. Nothing bad happened. I just kind of was like, Okay, it's been like three years. what are we doing? Oh, there's no mobility here. There's nothing. That I can do, I got to do some public speaking and stuff, which I liked, but. I think I just, I needed more time to believe in myself and to find that. And I just wasn't ready to believe it. And I didn't have anyone whose belief I could borrow, which I think is why a lot of us work with coaches is we just need to work with someone and so we can borrow their belief to have someone be like, you can do this. It's going to be fine. And I didn't have that until I found. That very first, design client that I had. And I went to an old design professor and I had a breakdown in his office. And I was like, Hey, can we talk about what I should charge these people? And he was like, you got this, you can do it. You're going to charge them 3k. And my 22 year old soul left my body. I was like, I'm going to charge someone 3k for a brochure. I'm going to die. It's going to be horrible. And he was like, no, this is great. This is run of the mill. This is, and I could like borrow his calm because I was like, Not calm.

Lynn:

Yeah. Yeah. Which is so, I love that phrase. borrow the calm, borrow the confidence. It is so true. We need that, especially if we don't have that embedded into our surroundings. So what was going through your mind as you were starting to say out loud, I'm a freelance graphic designer. And as it started to come true, and as you actually started to charge people for what you did, how was your narrative shifting about yourself? Mmm.

Kristy:

I felt hope. I don't know that I saw the full picture, but I started to feel like, okay, this could happen. I wasn't in full belief, but I was like, there are some people out there, at least in Wisconsin, who will pay me money to do these things. And so that felt really cool. And then because I think I had sort of this, traditional, like you go to college and then you get a full time job and then you do, then you work your way up the corporate ladder. My next thought was not, okay, now I can go out on my own. My next thought was, okay, I need to get a job where my title is graphic designer. And I really felt a lot of shame back then. The fact that I didn't have a degree in design felt shameful. I was like, Oh no, like I'm doing this thing and I don't have the, the credentials and oh no, because that's I was taught that so important you go to school, and you do the thing and so I was like, Oh, I'm an imposter I'm some kind of a fraud because I've been taking online classes and Skillshare things and doing so many personal projects and never sleeping, because what are your early 20s for? And so I just was going all the time. And then I was like, okay, I have to get a full time job with Designer is the Title. And so that was my next step, was that I took a job, woefully, I took a horrible job, but I got the title Graphic Designer. And then that job was truly, deeply horrific. And again, I shank, I shrank.

Lynn:

Deeply horrific. That is so hard, because my question was going to be, was it worth it to have that title in a deeply horrific job? But it sounds like no, but did it give you the confidence that you could be a graphic designer?

Kristy:

Oh my God. What a question. I wish I could say I fully regretted it, but I think I needed that title. I think it helped me. And I worked with a really old school designer, Ken, who was an amazing mentor who taught me so much. I learned just an incredible amount of tangible things. in software and file management and press production and all of these things that I would have never known. so there were some really great takeaways. I did definitely grow as a designer, at least in that first year. Probably shouldn't have stayed there for the second year. but there were some gems to be mined from there.

Lynn:

Yeah, even though it was deeply horrific, which, gosh, what do we, why do we do this? Why do we do this to other people and to ourselves? okay, was that curve the first way you redrew your path, was from that three year role at your university, moving more into a role that says graphic designer, even though it was so toxic. But now you're a designer, not just a freelance designer.

Kristy:

hmm. It's true. Yeah, so it was it was fine, you know, and I I learned a lot about what I don't Want in, in life and in businesses. And that was a startup and it was deeply, I feel like I've been very dramatic. So I'll just lay it all out there for everyone. our boss was not well, to put it lightly. And so we had a meeting one time where we all sat around and he was like, how proud are, it was all the design team. And I can laugh about it now, but it was very not funny then, uh, was how proud are you of, of your work that you do here? And we went around in a circle and I gave the highest, the highest out of 10, how proud of you of your work, I gave the highest rating at 1.5.

Lynn:

Oh, wait, did people, were they confused about the scale? Was one the most proud? Ten was not proud at all?

Kristy:

yeah, you would have thought that. No, we were all like, we hate this. We hate doing this work. This is not fun. And our boss lost his whole mind and started like screaming, foaming at the mouth, told us to get on antidepressants or start drinking, that it was our problem, that we are just trash and no one else would hire us. And no one else would ever, we would never find a place to work. We see at two 30 Fridays, like every Friday you got off at two 30, you'll never find another job where you get off at two 30 on Fridays, you'll never find a job as good as this one. Oh, it was so messed up. And I actually, I put in my resignation like a week and a half later, and I was like, I was so happy to leave.

Lynn:

Yeah, I was gonna say when I've been in toxic situations like that, I'm a highly sensitive person. So I often would question myself and I would question like, what am I doing wrong in this situation? Like, how am I not managing up correctly? what is wrong with me that I keep ending up in toxic work environments? Was any of that going through your mind at all?

Kristy:

Yeah, I probably spent a year there, unfortunately. I probably spent a year thinking it was me, because it was my first designer job. So I was like, oh, this is just me. This is, I'm just screwing something up or this isn't, I'm not doing it right. and thankfully that Ken, the designer who helped me so much, like he was really great. It was just like upper management that was really a problem. So I was like, okay, I'm learning things. And after I kind of learned, I'm like, okay, I think I've learned what I can learn from Ken and this team. Then I was like, okay. But now what, like now what do I do? And sometimes we wouldn't have work to do at work. And it would just be like, we'd just be sitting around. And then all of a sudden it would be like a fire drill. It was like, Oh, we have to do everything all the time. And I was like, I can't live like this. I can't be going from nothing and then being like screamed at that. We have to do all of these things. And I find it's just like. No, I don't think I want this. And they kept firing people all the time. They fired people so often that we called it Blood Wednesday, because they fired people on a Wednesday, which is a dumb day of week to fire

Lynn:

Yeah. Not a best practice.

Kristy:

Which is really just par for the course for them, but yeah. It happened so many times that they did these like firings on Wednesday. Every Wednesday people would be like, is it going to be a blood Wednesday? Yeah, not good for you to be in that environment. So I just kind of got sick of it. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to try to get another design job. It's going to be fine. And then I did. And I got to learn packaging at that job, which was really great. but then I was like, you know what? I'm kind of, I think I'm done. I think I've done it.

Lynn:

When you gave your notice, did you have that other job offer in hand? Okay. Nice. So you went like design job to design job. And it was after that that you redrew your path in a different direction, right?

Kristy:

Yep. And then I was like, you know what? I did it. I got a design job. I got another design job. That pretty much tells me everything I need to know. I can get not just one toxic design job, because that one, I was kind of like, I got it, but I could get any old design job. And then I was like, I actually don't want to do, I don't want to do this anymore for other people. I want to work with people that I love working with. And the thing was also, I wanted to do branding. And I was in house, so you can't really do branding if you're in house. And actually when I signed on at that last full time job I had, I was like, Hey, part of my contract, I get to freelance still. If you, if that's not okay, I'm outsy, which was a total bluff because I was like, I don't want this job anymore.

Lynn:

Hmm.

Kristy:

I need to work for myself. And they were like, yeah, that's cool. That'll keep you up to date on design trends. And I was like, all right, groovy.

Lynn:

how long were you there? Thank you. Bye bye.

Kristy:

three or four years. Something like that. A

Lynn:

Okay. And you were kind of, you still wanted to do the branding work outside was your end goal, I want to work on my own at that point?

Kristy:

Yeah. At that point, I believed it could be true. I thought it early on. I thought maybe I could. Maybe. And it was always a maybe. And then it was like, no. I can do this. And what really changed there is I just got in rooms with other entrepreneurs. And so I was surrounded by people who were like, that's so scary. That's so risky. Why would you do that? That's not going to be good. What are you going to do? and of course I was talking to non entrepreneurs. people with day jobs would say that about entrepreneurship. And as soon as I got on Into rooms with entrepreneurs. And I was like, okay, I have this really scary thing. I just want to like work for myself. And everyone was like, yeah, we're doing it. just do it. It's cool. It's very normal. That's like the most boring thing to all of us. And being able again, to borrow that calm from somebody else who was like, yeah, this is it. It's simple, straightforward. And I was like, all right, this is it. And then that's when I finally was like, all right, I'm out of here.

Lynn:

Mm hmm. That is so, it's so cool and also just so smart to, Really thinking about what are the rooms you're putting yourself in and how are those surroundings impacting what you believe about yourself and what you believe in terms of what's possible for your life?

Kristy:

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and that's the theme throughout, right? It's like, I was in an environment where everyone felt like we can't get a job better than this, even though it's trash. So we

Lynn:

Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

Kristy:

new rooms and you're like, Oh, it was just that room. That's just that room. That was the problem. It's not me.

Lynn:

Yeah. Did you start finding those entrepreneur rooms while you were still in that full time role? What?

Kristy:

And actually, like I had tried in many different junctures to be in rooms with other entrepreneurs and other designers. And having been in rooms with other designers, part of why I shrank and didn't think it was possible is when I had that first job at the university, I did a group mentorship program with all designers, and they told me I was too loud, it was too much, I couldn't have a color palette that was like hot pink and colorful, because that was going to be the thing that made me unprofessional.

Lynn:

Sorry, pick my chin up off the floor because I am so upset for you at those messages.

Kristy:

Yeah. So that, that's also sort of what slowed the growth. Cause it was like, I could learn it. And then they were like, not like that. You can't not like you. And so then I pulled it all back. And then finally, like in 20, I don't know, 17, 18, I was like, I just, I have a full time job. Why don't I just make my business fun and colorful again? Because right now it's just side hustle. It's fun cash for vacations. let's just do that. And you know what happened? I stopped getting asshole clients is what happened. And so I was like, wow, isn't this amazing that all of the jerks who I was working with, who I had to chase down for payments, and who were just totally rude and wanted things outside of scope all the time, they all left when I was colorful and myself. And I was like, Oh, that's interesting. And then I was like, kept doing that. I was like, Ooh, I'm getting more clients. Ooh, I'm getting more clients. Ooh, I'm getting more clients. And I was like, I don't know that I need this day job anymore.

Lynn:

Yeah, so you were attracting the clients you actually wanted to work with and you were actively repelling the clients that were really annoying and asshole ish.

Kristy:

Yeah, yeah, which it makes sense if you are trying to be formal and buttoned up and that's not who you are and then they work with you and it turns out that you're working with a human golden retriever like me, everyone's going to be a little bit upset, because that's not what they thought they were getting it's not what I thought I was getting like when we show up as ourselves. That's when other people can either opt in or opt out.

Lynn:

Cool. And by that point, it sounds like you weren't really doubting yourself anymore or whether or not like the world can handle Kristy's hot pink branding color palette, right?

Kristy:

Yeah, I felt like I could do it then. I had enough audacity and it was also 2020 when I quit my full time job. So I realized I always thought perfect, a perfect time was coming and nothing slaps you in the face harder than a lockdown. So I was like, oh, perfect time isn't coming. I have to, I have to go now.

Lynn:

Well, and it sounds like yes, lockdown made it the perfect time, but it sounds like you also created your own perfect timing and just decided now's the time for me. And I'm not going to wait any longer because a lot of people I think decided to stay in their jobs because of that uncertainty. And so it is a risk to step out and realize oh, now is my time.

Kristy:

Yeah, I stayed for full transparency. I was like, I'm going to quit my job in April, which is my birthday month. And I was like, I'm going to quit my job in April 2020. And then I got a little scared. And then I was like, I'm not going to do that. So I stayed till the first week in December. I like, I was like, I'm going to keep bankroll in this work was pretty light. Cause everyone was, scrambling and doing random things. And I was working remotely already. so not that much had changed for me. I was just like, okay, this is a really good reminder that I need to start stepping it up. And that's the first time I worked with a coach was in 2020. that's when I joined all those communities. And so I just needed that little bit of extra sort of oomph. that was the first time I showed up on Instagram stories and talk to a camera. And I was like, hello everybody. And I was so scared. I was so terrified. so I really needed all of those things to kind of coalesce together.

Lynn:

Again, teach me, teach me on the Instagram. Because that is really powerful. Can I ask you, and I'm sure I'm missing a ton of things, so feel free to interject, but okay, over those years of working within like nine to five spaces. You said one of the things that became clear and clear over time was that you wanted to do branding work specifically. How did you become, attuned to that? How did you know that that was the direction that you wanted to go?

Kristy:

Yeah. it's so funny. I think we all have this sort of journey where we notice in retrospect that there were all of these hidden Easter eggs in our lives all along. And so I went to school and I thought, okay, maybe education at first. Oh no. Okay. Public speaking. Okay. Maybe. And then I got minors in marketing and psychology. Interesting. education master's degree. I wanted to help people, wasn't quite sure. And so then I started, working with a ton of clients. I always joke my initial dream client was anyone with a pulse and a wallet. I mean, I literally did anything for anybody all the time for the first two ish years, I really did everything. And then I started getting a couple little branding projects and I was like, Ooh, I like that. That's a little bit more interesting because. It's fine to make a brochure. It's communicating, and there's some strategy to it, but I really liked the bigger picture strategy, like taking someone's business goals, and how they want to show up, and where they want to be, and how do we embody their values, and their vision, and how do we put all of these pieces together, and have it relate to psychology, and it became this really fun puzzle. And I realized I was like, Oh, these are all like nuggets of things that I was drawn to before. I just didn't like the modalities of them. It wasn't the right avenue, but now I'm like, I'm educating clients on what branding means. I'm helping them understand the strategy and use it in their marketing. That psychology piece is coming in. How are we interacting with these brands? And it all started to click. And I was like, wait a minute, this is what it was all leading up to. So it was really just this unique combination of things. And I just, I liked it and I couldn't, I couldn't get enough. Every branding client, I was like, no, this is it. This is what I like.

Lynn:

Cool. I love that. It's interesting. It makes me think back to, my guest that I had on episode four, Sarabeth Berk, who lives right down the road from you, Kristy. but she speaks about hybrid professionals and how we're not like multiple identities all like living in alignment, but hybrid professionals really operate from the intersection of the skill sets and identities you have. So like you're speaking about having that like design, but then also the psychology piece and where does that overlap? And it's not in a brochure and it's not as a teacher. It's That branding piece in, in the middle, and that's where you get your flow and your joy and all of your creative energy. does that resonate? Does that feel accurate for you?

Kristy:

Absolutely. Yeah. And I, there's a phrase, and this is going to be a very loose paraphrasing of a quote from Jessica Hish, who is a well known graphic designer. But she was like, the things that you procrastinate on when you should be doing work are the things you should be doing all the time. Basically. And I kept finding myself, even though I would be working on a brochure or working on a website or what have you, I was always like, Ooh, but I want to read the book about design, or I want to go to this webinar, or I want to do these things and I want to go to this conference and I kept finding myself with this appetite that I just couldn't like satiate. I was just like, I want more brand all the time. And I was like, there's something to that. Yes, being an entrepreneur is hard. And I'm not going to say I'd never work a day in my life because it, it is work. but I, I love the shit out of it.

Lynn:

I love that. And that's such great advice too, is think about where, where you are like drawn to when you're procrastinating on the other things. Any other turns that you want to talk about since you, Took the leap and became that full-time branding entrepreneur.

Kristy:

No, I think that last turn is how we're here. I think I finally arrived. And I I like to share my story because I think a lot of entrepreneurs like myself don't see people who take sort of a non traditional path. Because I think there's this story of oh, I always knew I'm from a family of entrepreneurs or I'm from a family of creatives. Not true for me in either case. They're always like, why are you so artistic? We don't know where that came from. and it's like, you just have to go whatever way. is, is unfolding before you and just look for those pockets of opportunity because I felt like even before I started entrepreneurship full time, I thought I was a failure because I wasn't doing it full time. I thought I was a failure because I didn't do it right out of school or I didn't have that glamorous story of I got laid off and I made it work and it was like. No, I didn't do that. I had to deliberate and figure out, okay, is this going to be able to pay my rent? How is this going to work out? And I had to make those decisions. And even though it took, I mean, that whole journey, that was like nine years.

Lynn:

Yeah.

Kristy:

it's like, it's okay if it's winding.

Lynn:

I think that's a really beautiful piece of advice that everybody's going to be on their unique path. And I do think that power of surrounding yourself with people that are living the path that you want to be on. because for me, that was huge, right? And I didn't know anyone who had quit their job without a plan. I didn't know anyone who had started a business. I didn't know anyone who started a business like accidentally but didn't quite know exactly what they wanted to do, right? Or like back their way into it, or felt like they were trying to find their way through a maze with a blindfold on, you know? And so just by, I think, like meeting more and more of those people that have taken that path or come at it from a different way, it's been really powerful for me to get that inspiration, but also that support, and also the affirmation that, Hey, your path is perfect just the way that it is. Yeah. Is there any advice you would give to others thinking about redrawing their paths?

Kristy:

I think just try to look for those little nuggets, the things that you've loved about every season of your life, the parts that were good, the things that you were drawn to, the relationships that you enjoyed having, whether that's, in work environments, romantically, friendships, where, what are all the sort of intersections of those pieces? Because I find that sometimes the path Is laying, it's kind of like a puzzle, you know, we always have all of the pieces, but we don't know what's on the box. And so sometimes we just have to gather all the pieces, get the edges together. And that's kind of what I think those sort of anchor points are. what did I love about that? What felt really good? What am I working on when I'm procrastinating? Build out that edge of your puzzle. And I think that's when you can start to see. Oh, okay. This is going to be like a scene of a lake and some open water and whatever. That's what this is. Like now I can start to, build it together, but you kind of have to kind of mine it out of the depths of your soul. It's very dramatic, but.

Lynn:

super dramatic, but I love it because it's almost like you're building in a layer of reflection there and you're taking yourself off autopilot and you're really taking the time to step back, reflect and realize these are the things that are true for me. And I've had this information all along, but I'm becoming aware of it piece by piece. If we stick with the puzzle metaphor.

Kristy:

yeah,

Lynn:

Cool. I love it. Okay. Such powerful advice. I remember when we connected probably a little less than a year ago. And I think, so I think I had decided to start a business, but I was like really annoyed about it because I was like, why won't anyone hire me? I don't really want to start a business, which is hilarious because I love it and no, like I meant for it. And I think we met. As I was trying to build my network of entrepreneurs. And so I just want to take the time to thank you for like, being one of those people for me, who is, is doing the shit, you know, and like leading the way because, yeah, like being surrounded by a lot of folks who have taken pretty traditional paths. It was really important for me to be building those relationships and meeting folks. Kristy, where can people find you, and is there anything you want to promote or share with listeners?

Kristy:

of course. Yeah, you can find me on Instagram. I am on there all the time. It is my favorite place to be. so that's at Kristy Black Creative, K R I S T Y. black, like the color. I've been saying that my whole life. And, if you are an entrepreneur and you are curious about what it looks like to live your most expanded self in your business, that's what great branding is. So I do have a free workbook called the Profitable Purpose Branding Workbook, which helps you get clear about your values, which are really the things that are driving us at all times. so you can check that out if you're interested.

Lynn:

I will do a plug for your workbook because It was so great. it was really helpful for me. So now every time you have a new offer, I'm like, is now my time. thank you so much for sharing your story on Redraw Your Path. So excited to get it out there into the world.

Kristy:

Thank you so much. This has been a delight.

Lynn:

Thanks for listening to Redraw Your Path with me, Lynn Debilzen. If you like the episode, please rate and review. That helps more listeners find me. And don't be shy, reach out and connect with me on LinkedIn and sign up for my e-newsletter at redrawyourpath.com. I can't wait to share more inspiring stories with you. See you next week.