Redrawing My Own Path, Part 2 | Ep. 021

Life's unexpected twists led me to redraw my own path yet again - this time, nine years later in my late 20s / early 30s. This is a continuation of Part 1, Episode 010.  In this episode, I open up about tough breakups, health struggles, and finding hope in new beginnings. Through my story, I cover: 

🫶🏼 The reminder that your body is your compass and carries all the wisdom you need

🫶🏼 The beauty of the universe’s timing and gifts, and when we look for the opportunities and signs, it will deliver

🫶🏼 Building a life from a lifestyle-first mentality, instead of professional-first - and how that can set us up for sustainability and success in the long run

Tune in for a dynamic discussion on life and growth!

Connect with Lynn:

• www.redrawyourpath.com
• www.lynndebilzen.com
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynndebilzen/

Transcript

Lynn: 0:00

Hey friends, I'm Lynn Debilzen and welcome to Redraw Your Path, a podcast where I share stories of people who have made big changes in their lives and forged their own unique paths. I talk with guests about their moments of messiness, fear, and reframing on their way to where they are now. My goal is to inspire you about the shape your life could take. So let's get inspired. Hey! It's your friend Lynn, and I am so excited to be sharing with you today something a little bit different. This is a continuation of episode 10, where I shared a bit about my own journey and about my own redrawing of my path. And as I'm preparing to redraw my path one more time. I'm realizing, oh, I'm, I'm actually pretty good at this. I'm actually pretty good at change and I'm pretty good at holding myself in change and I'm quite decent at holding others and space for others through change. so it's interesting. I look back on my life and I realize I thought, oh, I've redrawn my path like one, maybe two, maybe three times. And it turns out I've redrawn my path so many times. but today I'm going to continue just sharing a little bit about my own journey and about the next couple ways I redrew my path. Again, if you want to hear the first big way I redrew my path, go back to episode 10. I talk about my college journey from almost civil engineer to social worker. And you can hear a bit of my backstory as well as how I grew up, what expectations I grew up with there. So go back to episode 10. Right now we are going to fast forward to 2012. Just picture it. I was a bright and cheery 29 year old Lynn. I was living and working in Boston. And, I was Finishing up my second master's degree, I was getting my MBA in social impact management. And, I was planning for a life of, let's, let's change the world. Let's go out there and impact some things. Let's blow some shit up and let's change these systems that don't quite work for everyone. And let's create a more just world. and equitable world. I'll just give a little bit of context here. So, I was wrapping up my MBA about four months before I was about to graduate. I was stressing quite a bit because I was living and studying in Boston. But my partner at the time was living in Zurich, Switzerland, and we had been dating about two and a half years. So kind of that point where you're like, Well, where is this gonna end up? What are, what are we doing here? and I was starting to feel like, well, if graduating, doesn't result in me finding a job in the same place, or us being in the same place, then what are we doing? so I was feeling quite a bit of stress. about that and just figuring out, the job search. Am I doing a job search in the U. S.? And if that's the case, am I doing a job search in Boston, in D. C., in Seattle? I wanted to be in the international development space. So where was I looking? And then I was also starting to do some networking and job searching in Switzerland. So I was starting to do some job searching in Geneva. I was trying to build some relationships there and in Zurich just to see what are my options here and having the conversations. with my boyfriend at the time of like, where is this going? so we ended up actually four months before my graduation. This is important. we ended up going through a breakup. it was something that, Completely caught me off guard, to be honest. the rug was ripped out from underneath me. I was not expecting it. I think I tend to live in, everything's great land. I wouldn't say it's denial at all. I would not say denial. I would say, I'm just generally pretty optimistic. And so, I'm optimistic that whatever the challenges are in life, I can work through them or we can work through them, etc. So, in 2012, I went through a really tough breakup that just really rocked my world. And, I ended up in late 2012, developing panic attacks and getting diagnosed with panic disorder and, that was really rough for me and if you go back to episode 10, you will know that I had struggled with depression in my past and I wasn't struggling with it at that time. And so, these panic attacks kind of came out of nowhere. interestingly enough, hindsight is always 20 20, folks. So, looking back on my life, I had developed some sort of, weird allergy to alcohol. And I, as I was starting to have panic attacks in late 2012, I, finally asked the doctor about this alcohol thing. I had always just felt really silly before and he was like, it sounds like you have an allergy. I was like, okay, great. I'm going to stop drinking. So I actually haven't had a drink since 2012. Although I don't identify as an alcoholic, but, definitely there are some addictive tendencies in my personality. so at that time I was starting to have some panic attacks. I think it was, there was just so much uncertainty in my life and so much of looking down this tunnel or this cave that just felt really lacked me because nothing was clear. nothing was clear in terms of what will life look like in four months, two months, one month after I graduate? and I started to see a therapist. I started to, get treatment for my panic attacks and really started to feel like I had a good grasp of it. still life felt a little shaky, but I graduated in December of that year with my MBA, didn't have a job when I graduated. but then within a month I, was offered a job and I was like, okay, like it was not the job I was looking for. It was at a national nonprofit, which I was interested in. I had. decided with the health things I was going through, I didn't want to go back into international development at that time. So it was a national nonprofit. I, thought with my MBA and my other master's degree in intercultural youth and family development that I would be able to get a, like mid level job. This ended up being pretty entry level. but I was like, you know what? It's a job. It's gonna pay the bills. I'm going to learn so much from this. And the first thing I did after I got a job offer and Um, I had friends going to Puerto Rico for a long weekend and I was like, you know what? I'm going to go join them. So, that was I think one time where I really took the time out to celebrate something big. And I'm, I look back on that time pretty fondly. Anyways, I was in this role for, About a year. And the role was big. It was somewhat entry level. However, it was big. you were doing a lot of things. I was a site manager. So I was managing, about 40 different college students and, they would go early childhood classrooms and deliver literacy programming. And, they were AmeriCorps members. So I was managing an AmeriCorps program. I felt really aligned in terms of I'm a product of national service. I had been a two time AmeriCorps member and a Peace Corps volunteer. I felt really aligned in terms of I love working with college students. I felt really aligned in terms of my MBA skills that gave me a wide view of how to run a business and a program, a nonprofit. but the day to day work ended up being A lot, like not just managing a team, but like hiring and training and doing quality, improvement and quality control and maintaining community relationships and maintaining the budget and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was a lot. and over the course of that year, it, it made a big impact on. my life. I was also commuting. I was in the car about two and a half hours a day. So I would drive, an hour in the morning and then an hour and a half in the evening was my commute. it was only 30 miles, but my Midwest brain, when I took the role, was like 30 miles. That's 30 minutes, maybe 40. I was like, how bad that can that be, right? So I was commuting two and a half hours a day. there was a lot to manage at work. And then I was a very active gym goer. Like I, I would be up at five every morning and at the gym for the first hour and a half of the day, and then get in the car and make that commute. And, about a year of that. And. my body actually couldn't handle it anymore. And I woke up one day and really couldn't walk. It was, I hate to be so dramatic about it, but I really couldn't walk. Like all of my muscles were seized up, almost like tightly wound in a ball. And I just couldn't get those muscles to relax. And, I spent at least a week on the couch just trying to figure out how am I supposed to be getting out of bed? and realizing, what was going on with my body. and then I, I obviously went to the doctor, started seeing specialists and over the course of about three months ended up getting a diagnosis. Before that time, I'd visited friends, across the country and I thought, okay, I actually really like this place. I was visiting Denver. I was like, I really like this. I like the lifestyle. It just seems a little bit more manageable, laid back. Boston the way I had set up my life with that commute. just felt like go go go go go. And, I had put Denver in my brain as like a seed of my next place, my next city is Denver. so when I got sick like this, I'd actually already started a job search, thinking every job search post 2008 recession takes about six months, so why not, right? And I had started, applying for a few jobs here and there, nothing super intense, but I was interviewing while I was going through this very like mystery illness and I ended up getting a job offer the same exact day I got my diagnosis of what was going on with my body and that felt really like the universe taking care of me and the universe saying, Hey, This is your right next step, and this is the right next step for you to be able to take care of your health. to me, it just felt like such a sign. I had spent three months working with specialists, and I know three months actually, compared to many people going through health journeys isn't that long. But when you're going through it, it felt intensely scary. I just felt alone, not really knowing what's happening here. And, the job I was offered was all around play. and as a trainer, teaching adults and training adults on how to play and how to use play within their schools for social emotional development and creating a healthy social emotional environment. And I was like, how perfect is this? That the thing I feel like I need most in my life, which is play. And I also need some space, right? Like I need some space in my life to be able to focus on my health. it just felt so serendipitous that that job offer came. the same day that my diagnosis did. so I got that job offer. I accepted. within three weeks had packed up my U Haul and, drove across the country from Boston to Denver. it was so quick. And I'm grateful that at that time I had such a strong support system. My mom came out and helped me move and we drove together and the students that were on my team that I managed, showed up and helped me move my things. And it was just like really incredible considering how my body felt at the time, which my body felt horrible. But I just knew that it was the right next step for me. at that time, I think what I felt was hope finally, once I knew okay, I'm going to be starting over in this new place. Denver's a lot more laid back. Colorado, obviously you're outside a ton. I wasn't going to have that two and a half hours a day in the car, which felt huge to me. And, I finally felt hope after what had been a pretty dark, year and a half of going through that breakup, having to grieve the life that I thought I was going to have of this, really sexy, cool life in Europe, and having to grieve that life and that relationship, All the way through kind of living this, pretty stressful life. I also, I will mention I had a hundred thousand dollars in student loans. And so when I took that role at a national nonprofit, Boston's an incredibly high cost of living city, and I was not making much. And so to have these, Student loans weighing on me just felt like a lot and it was going to feel like a lot for the next 10 years while I had those loans. So that was the, the second big way I redrew my path, moving across country, re establishing new routines. I focused on my health, like I had never focused on my health before. And when I moved to Denver, I was exposed to, all different types of nutrition approaches, acupuncture, a lot of Eastern medicine. I worked with, you know, A new therapist, I was really focusing a lot on yoga and self care and taking care of myself. And, and my job was really, really rewarding. And I think that that helped a lot. But that like redrawing of my path of you know what, I'm going to move from geographically, I redrew my path from East coast to Colorado. but also I think skillset wise, I redrew my path from program management and like oversight of a site and a program to I'm going to focus in on training and development. One of the things I realized in that role was that. There were days where I was doing a lot of different things and I would just feel really drained. But the days where I was 12 hour days with my corps members, leading trainings, coaching, that's when I felt like really alive. And I think having that realization helped me decide what I wanted to do next, which was, find a role focusing on training and development. And the fact that it focused on play, I was like, how much luckier could I be? what an incredible gift to the world and to, to myself to be able to really move into that while I was going through this health journey. and I think, one piece of advice I would give to listeners is, again, that idea of my body is my compass. And I mentioned that in episode 10, my body is my compass and using that as a mantra. My body is my compass. And my body is here to teach me things. it was teaching me that I had a perfect storm of burnout. I had a perfect storm of high adrenaline and never resting and, focusing so much on gym instead of, resting and taking time for myself. I just, went harder and harder at, going to the gym and physically trying to dial things in, so that mantra of your body is your compass, is just number one piece of advice I would give from that turn. and then the second piece of advice from that turn is really, the universe is there. to provide for us. We just have to look for those opportunities. So the universe is Timing of that job offer on the same day that I got my health diagnosis, I could not ask for a better, pointer on a compass of, this is your answer. This is, your next piece to figuring out this puzzle. And I think the other piece of advice is, sometimes you're going to focus on professional, but so often, I think more often in our lives, we should be focusing on What's the life I want to live? What is the lifestyle I want or need to be taking care of my health and my family? And that advice I think is number one for me is just really thinking through that rather than putting work first all of the time. So that was, that was the next way I redrew my path. That was 2012 to 2014. And I would say the next few years were really just like an extension of that redrawing. I think I'm going to stop there. And I think I'm going to put my next, my next turn into a next episode. Let me know what you think. Can't wait to hear from you. Please reach out and connect. And I love you all. Thanks for listening to Redraw Your Path with me, Lynn Debilzen. If you like the episode, please rate and review. That helps more listeners find me. And don't be shy, reach out and connect with me on LinkedIn and sign up for my e-newsletter at redrawyourpath.com. I can't wait to share more inspiring stories with you. See you next week.