Redraw Your Path

Redrawing My Own Path, Part 3 | Ep. 026

• Lynn Debilzen • Episode 26

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Life's unexpected twists led me to redraw my own path yet again - this time, as I launched into what I thought was my dream job and immediately recognized it wasn’t. A health crisis once again brought me to reflect on so many things in life. And, losing a dear friend during my sabbatical and job search put everything into perspective. 

This is a continuation of Part 1, Episode 010 and Part 2, Episode 21.  In this episode, I open up about unexpected support systems, living into my values, and my own hard career moves. 

Through my story, I cover: 

🫶🏼 How our own crises can put us face-to-face with our values, immediately letting us see the path before us to support others in their crises

🫶🏼 How burnout showed up for me and how I decided to address it differently this time around, and all the lessons learned along the way

🫶🏼 The creativity and self-work that was needed as I followed the strands that were giving me energy and joy

Tune in for a dynamic discussion on life and growth!


Resources mentioned:

Connect with Lynn:

  • www.redrawyourpath.com
  • www.lynndebilzen.com
  • https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynndebilzen/
Lynn:

Hey friends, I'm Lynn Debilzen and welcome to Redraw Your Path, a podcast where I share stories of people who have made big changes in their lives and forged their own unique paths. I talk with guests about their moments of messiness, fear, and reframing on their way to where they are now. My goal is to inspire you about the shape your life could take. So let's get inspired. Quick content warning here this episode talks about mental health and suicide. Hey, it's your friend Lynn and I'm here to share with you the next way that I redrew my path. Actually, two ways. I'm going to put two ways that I redrew my path into this episode and that's going to bring us up through the current time in my life. And, I'm really excited to keep redrawing my path. I think every opportunity for change in our life is an opportunity for learning and I invite you to take that mindset as well. What is this change? Whether it's a change I'm fully making or one that the universe is offering to me, what is this change teaching me, and what am I learning from it? if you want to get the backstory, go back to episode 10, which is the first way I path. go back to episode, 21 Which is the second big way I redrew my path. And now I'm going to talk about the third and fourth ways I redrew my path. All right, it's 20, what year is it? It's 2017. I am in an extremely toxic job. That extremely toxic job is not the last one I talked to, talked to you about. I had been in this job probably four months before I realized, Oh shit. I need to get out of here. very, very not good for my health and very toxic. And I was not the only one feeling that way. Everybody in the organization was actively trying to get out. that is, that is sometimes what happens. so I, Was in a pretty toxic job. And in 2017, I ended up actually about six weeks into that job, tearing my ACL and meniscus. it was a Friday night, and I hit this space of Oh my God, who do I even call? I was single. I had a lot of friends, but I called several of them and, most of them were out of town or, in the mountains. This was when I was living in Denver and I was like, Oh, I don't even know who to call. This feels lonely. also, to be fair, I tore my ACL and meniscus and I didn't know that. I thought, oh, maybe if I just, walk the right way, it'll click back into place. And then, actually, I couldn't even walk. maybe if I'll just, massage it the right way, it'll click back into place. I'll be fine. So I didn't go to the emergency room like I probably should have, and that was a lesson learned and a funny story that I enjoy telling. But, I ended up sharing my ACL and meniscus, and the surprising thing during that time was who came to my rescue and who supported me. And it was, honestly, it was like mostly my neighbors. My neighbors at my complex were so helpful. and it, it was so unexpected, honestly. but it was a neighbor who like met me at the Uber that night who like helped me get inside and help me get to bed. My, condo at the time had a lot of stairs So, there was absolutely zero way I would have been able to even get inside my house. my Uber driver came to my rescue and stopped at Walmart at 10 o'clock on a Friday night and went in and bought me crutches. and then it was my neighbors who just Really stepped up. I had friends that stepped up during that time too. friends that helped me with laundry, friends that helped me, with meals. And, that obviously was something I was really grateful for. And then, My family lived across the country so my family was in Wisconsin, I was in Colorado, and I just kind of felt like, oh, when shit hits the fan, who takes care of you? And this is America and we're still, we're like very individualistic so asking friends for that feels like a lot. My family, I'm very grateful, like really stepped up and my mom came and stayed with me for two weeks after my first surgery and I ended up needing a second surgery and my dad and stepmom came and took care of me. so while I was going through that, I was in this toxic job already feeling okay, I need to get out. But then I also was feeling like, Oh, when you're a single adult in America and you have a lot of friends, but you have something bad happen to you. So in my case, it was my ACL and meniscus and my two knee surgeries. when that happens, who can you count on to take care of you? And my family was who I could count on and my neighbors, I actually lost some friendships during that time and was really, really saddened by that, and ended up that realization of Wow, sometimes it's really hard to ask for help. And sometimes it's really hard to, be there for people that we care most about. And so I decided, you know what, one of my values is I want to be there for people I care about. And I didn't want anyone to feel alone like I had felt alone during my knee surgery. and at the time my BFF of 30 plus years was going through a hard time. and her husband had a terminal illness. And as I was having that reflection, I was like, Okay, I'm in this toxic job. I am realizing like, who is there to support you if it's not family? And my BFF, I really see her as family. and I was like, what am I doing if it's not living into my values? And, I ended up deciding That was an opportunity to leave that toxic job and move, move again geographically, across the country. I moved back to Wisconsin. I never thought I would live in Wisconsin again. and I was like, I want to be there for my friend. and, obviously, had to go through a job search to make that move happen. But, That, that going through the knee stuff, which if you have not been through is just incredibly disorienting because you can't walk, you can't, you don't have one of those cool knee scooters that people with ankle injuries have. It's really, a lot. To go through. so all that reflection in my own experience helped me realize I did not want my BFF to feel like I wasn't there for her in her greatest time of need. And, as her husband had gotten sicker over the last few years, I thought what am I doing if it's not living into my values? That was the next big way I redrew my path was coming back to Wisconsin. And over the next five years, I. Worked in the nonprofit space, leading collective impact work, focused on racial equity, and trying to change systems at the systems level across communities. so that time in 2018 when I made that move happen was my third redraw my path. My fourth redraw my path, fast forward to 2022 and 2022 to to now is the biggest way, I've been redrawing my path. It felt like pretty continuous the last two years, where everything, feels like it's changing all the time. But, I was, Working in a role that for the most part I was enjoying, but I think I was starting to feel a sense of pull and I was starting to feel a sense of what's next and a feeling of I would say like restlessness, and I didn't really know what that was about. I didn't know what I was being called towards, but I did know as a geriatric millennial and like classic to a T, it was the longest role I had held. In my career, I tend to be really great with change and I'm always looking for the next thing, which is interesting. Once I got to know the StrengthsFinder, which quick plug is an awesome tool for helping you understand your specific strengths, realizing that my number one strength is futuristic. Made me have an aha moment of oh, like, I'm always thinking about the future, whether that's in jobs or relationships or life. I'm always just thinking about that future and what's next. so I was feeling this pull to leave a job. I didn't know for what. I was like, I don't even have the energy to do a job search. And just reflecting on it, I was, I was feeling burnout again. And it was, like I had gone through burnout before and, I was working with a coach at the time and it was my first time working with a coach, who helped me see really the importance of putting myself Putting my burnout recovery first and my healing and I think I tended to, I was thinking about the work and the sustainability of the work and the organization. and I think that was, like fine, it was great, but I was kind of suffering as a result of that. I'd actually thrived and I know many people didn't, but during COVID and the lockdown, I was actually thriving quite a bit. And I think it had to do with managing chronic illness and my fibromyalgia and just starting to have some control over, my boundaries and control over my schedule. And, also realizing, I think the shutdown gave me an opportunity to just have boundaries and rest for the first time, in my life, probably. And so I felt a pull to leave that job, but I didn't know for what. And, I was kind of of this mindset of like, well, the best time to find a job is when you have a job and you would never, ever, ever leave a job if you don't have something lined up. that's kind of how I was approaching it. and I remember getting coffee with a dear friend, during that time period and just being like, yeah, I'm just feeling really worn down. I love my work, like I really enjoy it, but I am feeling so depleted and trying to figure out, should I take a break? a medical leave or I just wasn't sure what to do. and I had disclosed to her, I'm like crying like every week or every day. It might've even been every day. And she was like, I don't, I don't think that's healthy. is there any way you could leave without having a job lined up. And I was like, no, that's ridiculous. nobody ever does that. she had kind of like planted that seed for me. And, I, I think like that seed was planted a little bit. I went on a trip to Costa Rica. not very long. It was just a regular Vacation and came back and just, whoa, was feeling that burnout. And I started to do some calculations and realized, okay, like I have some emergency savings, it wasn't much. but could it buy me a month or two? All I was thinking about was a month or two, the job search, the job market was super hot. it was a great reshuffling. So it seemed like everybody was leaving their jobs, especially a lot of women. And I was like, you know what? I, I could probably be fine. I had an emergency savings and I was saving that emergency savings for like big things, if a furnace went out or if something else bad happened to my house. And I had this aha moment of why am I saving? this money for a furnace if I'm not willing to realize when my health, needs fixing. And I think that was a big ah ha for me. And I decided, okay, I think I'm ready to make a change. I was not ready to go into a job search. I wanted to take a few months off and I, I ended up, starting to discuss what that would look like with my boss at the time and I thought, Oh, maybe there are some options here. Maybe I could go to part time. Maybe I could, move to contracting or something and quickly realized that was not going to work, for the needs of the work and for me. And so I ended up, I think giving two to three months notice, two months notice officially, we had started to have the conversations about four months before I left my role. And, I just, I had some projects I wanted to, to finish up that I was feeling really excited about and, just felt, really loyal to the work. and I thought how it would go was, okay, like I'm leaving my job at the end of June. It's going to be amazing. I'm going to enjoy the summer. I'm going to be outside. I'm going to take a month or two to take care of myself and then I'm going to find a job and it's going to be super easy. and it turns out once I left my role, I ended up. taking naps every day. I took naps like every single day. I had a, a super clear plan, to just be out and enjoy the outdoors and go out and do things. And it turned out I was depressed and I needed like sleep and I just needed to Take some steps back. And, I needed another month and then I needed another month. And, I ended up giving that to myself and then finally got to a point where I was like, okay, I'm feeling ready to start a job search. And I thought, All right, I'm going to start a job search. I'm probably going to pivot into the corporate space. I realized I have skills. I don't quite know what that looks like in the corporate space, but, I wanted to significantly increase my salary. And so I just started a job search. and that job search ended up being pretty brutal. It started about a month into my job search. It's a lot of networking and I was loving the networking. and I was loving, finding what was out there and learning about it and thinking about how could I apply my skills to this role. that was stuff I was loving. And then early on in my job search. I ended up, I was taking improv classes. and I was loving the improv classes. I just felt okay, this is, I get to be creative. I had never really felt creative in my life before. I was having fun. I love being on stage. and I had my, first improv show the night before my birthday and I, had that show and it was amazing and I was having so much fun. and my mom was in town for my birthday and we were going to do some house projects to help me get my house ready to maybe sell or maybe rent out. And I started getting all these messages on my birthday about happy birthday, blah, blah, blah, like people reaching out to me. And, I was kind of on a high. I was like, yeah, that improv show was so great. Yeah. it's my birthday. It's going to be the best year ever. I'm going to find a job. I'm going to get paid so much more. It's going to be awesome. and then I got a message from a friend that I hadn't heard from in a few years and I was like, huh. She's reaching out on my birthday and is going to wish me a happy birthday. And it turns out she was not reaching out to wish me a happy birthday. tragically, she was reaching out to let me know that, one of our dear friends, her ex boyfriend, who had been my landlord for a while as well, had died, by suicide. And I Got that text, and I had to sit down, and I was like, what? What? and the world just kind of stopped. And, who gives a fuck if it's my birthday, right? But it just kind of went from, the super high high to, what? And I was not making sense of it at all. And the next thing I would say, two weeks were really a blur. The next two weeks were a blur of connecting with her and we had kind of ended our friendship previously. So I was, like, reconnecting with her we were trying to piece together information, we were not in contact With his family, this friend's family. So we were just trying to piece together information. And then I looped in another friend who knew him and another friend who knew him. And we all knew him at different points. And we were just trying to piece together information. And I think, it just, it really hit me hard. and I ended up driving to go to the funeral and, it was the hardest funeral I had ever been to. young person. Dies by suicide and from the outside, had this really fancy job. He was a corporate lawyer and, had all the money in the world and was about to pay off his house and, I remember the last time I had seen him, we always talked about like deep stuff and I, I think he always had the sense of humor that I, I don't think I knew how serious, how much he was struggling. And it's interesting. I actually see my, myself in him in some ways, because I tend to have a sense of humor that deflects. And, so I went through that time period As a few weeks of haziness, trying to piece things together, trying to understand, I was pretty shaken up about it. and then I tried to keep my job search going through the end of 2022 and the beginning of 2023, there started to be some tech layoffs specifically, and that was the sector I was looking in. and I ended up going through, I think for three different roles, I got to the final stages. And one role I was asked to design a 90 minute training and facilitate a 90 minute training for a team of 10. And I did that. And as a good non profit worker and a good person who says yes and people pleaser, I was like, yeah, I'll do that. If that is what gets me this job. And, so I did that. It was, final rounds and then they went on a hiring freeze. and then two more roles. I ended up getting to the final stages. And one of the roles I interviewed with nine different people. over four rounds. another role, I went through three rounds, got to the final stages. Both of those companies ghosted me at the end. Like I had to reach out and be like, Hey, what's going on with the hiring? And one of them was like, Oh yeah, we hired someone else. within 10 minutes of me reaching out. Okay. and the other one just never ever heard back about anything. and that was, I would say like annoying, to say the least, but really frustrating and really infuriating, especially, since I knew I had skills. and those were only three jobs that I got to final stages, but, I had met with, I had done a discovery call with a coach it was a career coach. And I was like, I just need help. I want to break into tech and I just need your help. And, but I didn't. have the money or resources to hire someone. And, she had asked a question of what's the long game here? And I was like, well, the long game is I want to move abroad. And the long game is I've been wanting to move abroad since 2012. And here I am in 2023, answering this question and realizing, what am I doing? Like this, it's been 11 years. And I had, and there's a long answer to that, but I had been working towards public service loan forgiveness. I had mentioned in a previous episode, I had a hundred thousand dollars in student loans for my MBA. And, it's a complicated answer, but I think we tend to get on autopilot and we tend to just keep putting one step in front of the other without really stepping back and realizing. what's the bigger picture here? I ended up actually like joining that coach's program. And I started to realize from that friend's, very, tragic, sad death that finding another nine to five job was not going to get me to my goal of moving abroad again. it just wasn't going to work out. And yeah, I think there's options there, right? I could get a corporate job in another country as an expat, blah, blah, blah. But like, as a industry changer and a career Pivoter and someone who had 15 really strong, amazing years of experience working in the nonprofit space. I kind of realized that like the pitch to find an expat job, it just wasn't going to add up. so I kind of ended up realizing through a lot of informational interviews with people and job search. And, I started to get some inspiration around Oh, like other people actually find a niche and then they start their own business. And maybe I could do that. And I didn't know what that would be. but I started to realize like finding another nine to five job was not going to serve me. Building my own business in the way that I wanted to was. But I had no idea what that would look like. but that started this last year for me of trying to figure that out. And that started more and more conversations. And that ended up with me realizing. Maybe I'll take these conversations and put them out there into the world to provide inspiration for other people. And that ended up in this podcast. That started with me realizing I had written a children's book four years before to help children learn about and talk about grief and death. and that, I hadn't done anything with that book, right? Like it had sat in my Google drive getting dusty. And so I ended up realizing, you know what, let's move this forward. I hired an illustrator to help me move this forward. And I had no idea how I was going to pay for it. Honestly, I was running out of money, but at that point I decided I'm going to rent out my house. That was an asset I could put to work for me. going to hire an illustrator for this book. I don't know where it's going to lead me. a year later, by the way, that book is published and can be found on Amazon. It's called Daddy Loved Me, a story for children about, death and grieving. So I didn't know the answers, but I knew the paths I wanted to follow. And I ended up hiring a podcast coach who helped me. set up a podcast and that took me eight months of self doubt and working through fear and actually taking another job that didn't serve me. and I was really proud of myself because I took that job, for six weeks before realizing this is not the right fit for me at this time. And putting in my two weeks notice and realizing, so much of this, figuring out what we're meant for is figuring out what we're not meant for and what we need to say no to, because my problem is saying yes to everything. Not everybody's is, but mine is. And what I realized is I need to start putting boundaries around myself. So I left that job. And I was like, all right. How am I going to make money? I went and scooped ice cream at my mom's ice cream shop, for the rest of the season, and I had so much fun. I was sad that the season ended. It's only a summer business. I was sad that it ended, but, I also ended up having to go to the chiropractor a lot because scooping ice cream is a lot of work. and I had a friend that runs a doughnut shop and she had reached out and said, Hey, we had someone get injured. Do you think you'd be interested in serving doughnuts? And I was like, that could be fun. So I did that a few times. just trying to put pieces together, realizing, It turns out, building a business really brings you to face all of your fears and all of your self doubt. So there was a lot of like personal work going on behind the scenes. and then another friend and former coworker reached out and said Hey, would you be interested in working on this project? Hey, what about this project? And, In that time, I finally started to get the confidence. I'd been working on the back end of this podcast for about four or five months. I'd put it on hold as I was working part time. knowing I wasn't going to be able to have a consistent schedule for interviewing, knowing I wasn't going to have good internet when I was scooping ice cream in a pretty rural Northwoods of Wisconsin. And all of this was kind of happening behind the scenes, and I was going through a lot of, personal work. I hired a burnout coach who you've heard on this podcast. I was going through my other coaches program who you've heard on this podcast. And, this year I'm still figuring it out, but, I've definitely, definitely, definitely rewritten my path from leaving my job in 2022 thinking my plan is to take a few months off and get another job to now in 2024 where I. I have this podcast I published, I wrote and illustrated and published my book. and I am doing nonprofit consulting work. I just hired a business coach to help me find clarity there. And, I have another big way that I've redrawn my path, which is I'm moving. And by the time this launches, I have moved to California, because I've fallen in love. And you've heard about that through this journey, if you've been listening. Anyways, so, so, so, so many lessons from this last two years of redrawing my path, but the advice I want to give you, if you're still listening to this rambling episode, the advice I want to give you is follow the journey, follow the strands that are giving you energy and bringing you joy. Play, have fun, right? Like I took an improv class not thinking I would be a professional improviser at all. But that led me to a new friendship with my co founder of Laughter in Leadership, which we started during this time. And We're still following that strand a little bit. follow those strands. Be creative. Give yourself space for play and creativity. and then honestly start to say no to the things that aren't serving you. Start to say no to the opinions that aren't serving you. even if they're coming from people that you really love and respect. your life is your life and only you can decide your next steps. Yeah, those are the next two ways I redrew my path. actually that was three ways, 2018, 2022 through 2024, and now me heading to California. I hope you enjoy. Reach out to me. Don't be afraid to connect. Send me an email. Send me a message. You can find, all of my Work at lynndebilzen.Com, redrawyourpath. com, or connect with me on LinkedIn. And I can't wait to hear what resonates and how you're applying these lessons to your life. Thanks for listening to Redraw Your Path with me, Lynn Debilzen. If you like the episode, please rate and review. That helps more listeners find me. And don't be shy, reach out and connect with me on LinkedIn and sign up for my e-newsletter at redrawyourpath.com. I can't wait to share more inspiring stories with you. See you next week.