Redraw Your Path

Why Can’t I Fake This Enough? | Ep. 036 - Krishna Kayastha

• Lynn Debilzen • Episode 36

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Join host Lynn Debilzen in this fun interview with artist Krishna Kayastha on Redraw Your Path!

In this interview, Lynn learns about Krishna’s heart-led journey from climbing the corporate ladder to healing herself through The Artist’s Way. Their conversation touches on:

  • Navigating expectations and cultures as a first-generation Indian American and how she strategized on her future to draw her own path for herself
  • Our tendencies to blame ourselves for all of the things in society and culture that do not work for people, and how tools like journaling and cycle syncing can help us build acceptance for ourselves
  • The importance of following your heart when you feel innately pulled toward something, and how long the unraveling can take when you are pulled toward healing

Tune in for a dynamic discussion on life and growth!

About Krishna:

‌I'm an artist that captures the depths of the human experience with a focus on grief, growth, & connection. I'm currently launching a line of journals to help support people in their healing journey.

Connect with Krishna:
Website: https://serenademysoul.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/patelkrishna/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/serenademysoul/

Resources mentioned:

Connect with Lynn:

  • www.redrawyourpath.com
  • www.lynndebilzen.com
  • https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynndebilzen/
Lynn:

Hey friends, I'm Lynn Debilzen and welcome to Redraw Your Path, a podcast where I share stories of people who have made big changes in their lives and forged their own unique paths. I talk with guests about their moments of messiness, fear, and reframing on their way to where they are now. My goal is to inspire you about the shape your life could take. So let's get inspired. Hey friends, I have a new episode for you this week, an interview with Krishna Kayastha. I had so much fun recording this. My face still hurts from laughing a little bit. she's just a really beautiful soul who has gone through the hard work. to Blossom. and so I'm excited to bring her into your orbit. A little bit about her. She is an artist that captures the depths of the human experience with a focus on grief, growth, and connection. She has a line of journals to help support people in their healing journey, and she does commissioned art. And she's just fantastic. I hope you really get a lot from her journey and from her advice. Make sure that you are the one holding the pen. I'm just going to leave that there because that is a little cliffhanger. Can't wait to hear what you think. feel free to reach out. I love hearing from listeners. Have a great day. Welcome Krishna to Redraw Your Path. How are you today? I'm good. How are you? I am good. It's so lovely to see you. I know we first connected because you were a listener of Redraw Your Path, so I'm so excited to hear about your story. let's start where I start with everyone, which is, can you share some context about where and how you grew up? Oh my goodness. Okay.

Krishna:

yes. I was Born in California, but I've lived in California, Nevada, and South Carolina. Awesome. Awesome. I'm the first daughter of an immigrant household. My parents are from India. my ancestors are from India. My dad's from India. My mom's from Africa. Okay. Yeah. She's from Zambia. part of the

Lynn:

Indian diaspora.

Krishna:

Yeah, exactly. Okay. Okay. and I went to college in Georgia, did Washington DC for a while, New York, back to California, and now I'm in Georgia.

Lynn:

Awesome. Awesome. Okay. So California. You grew up, it was SoCal, right? Weren't you born right down the road?

Krishna:

No, I was born, San Francisco. It's funny because I always forget because I always want to say Sacramento and they're so different.

Lynn:

They're so different yet both start with the

Krishna:

same letters. exactly. This is no, I was born in San Francisco. Yeah, I was born in San Francisco and all of my mom's side lives like on the west coast primarily. Okay. And all my dad's side lives on the east coast. So my joke was always like, oh, my dad got sick of his in laws and moved us all across the states to be

Lynn:

closer. I love that. I love that. I love that. Okay, so San Francisco. Grew up in the city. Oldest of how many?

Krishna:

Two. Two. Okay. Yeah, it's just me and my sister. my dad did want a boy. We were reminded of that many a times, but he got girls. It was great though when I think it was like in seventh grade science when you learned that the man is responsible for the biology of the child, right? He was not too happy about that. You brought that up at the dinner table. Oh, absolutely. He was like, oh, well, your mom gave me daughters. I'm like, actually.

Lynn:

Not her decision.

Krishna:

Yeah. According to science, that's on you.

Lynn:

Love that. That is amazing. Anything else you want to share about Your childhood in terms of the context, logistics,

Krishna:

place, family? Yeah, sure. so growing up in an immigrant household I think is always very fascinating and telling because there's so many stories out there now of just like what it's like to be the first generation in America and just like balancing the two cultures, right? both of my parents worked but my mom Ideally wanted to be like a housewife. She's a homemaker and all of the responsibility fell on her like looking back now You're just like oh wow Hey dad, know how to use a vacuum, And she worked full time. Yeah. And she worked full time or if he had a business idea or whatever, like she was super supportive, okay, whatever you need, like whatever it was. but growing up, it was just like lots of cousins, lots of family, like lots of community, like Indian community, which is good. And challenging in the sense of there's lots of judgment to uphold like the traditions and the culture and the language and all the things and there's now I don't want to say studies or theory but like conversations happening about all of the Indians who immigrated from India to the U. S. in let's say like the 70s or 80s, they took that time and froze in that time. And so now they're more traditional and I don't, behind modernization than Indians who stayed in India. Like they're more progressive there than they are here.

Lynn:

Right. So

Krishna:

we weren't allowed to date. I wasn't allowed to listen to American music or like the radio for a very long time. Like My first cassette, aging myself here, was the Spice Girls cassette.

Lynn:

So good.

Krishna:

And it was because they did a concert in India, I think, like in saris, and so it was on Indian television and it was like, okay, they're approved. You can listen to that. Okay. I love that.

Lynn:

Which is interesting. Spice Girls was that mid 90s? Yeah. Okay. So were there Okay. Were there CDs

Krishna:

at that time already? There was, because then my first CD, like CDs had just started coming out. You could buy them on the mailers. I don't know if it was mailers. Oh yeah. You'd do the subscription and you like check them. 12 CDs

Lynn:

for 12 pennies. That's how they get you.

Krishna:

That's how they get you, I read that. Yeah. Yeah, and then my first CD was Brandy, The Boy Is Mine. Which is such a leap, right? If you think about it, that my parents went from no American music to, the boy is mine.

Lynn:

Cause you

Krishna:

better believe I was not allowed to have. Friends that were boys.

Lynn:

yeah. But they're both like, like Brandy was still like teen pop, like it wasn't fully adult. Yeah. Yes. So that, that, I see

Krishna:

that. I see that. It's like looking back now, you're like, wait, because then, then I grew up on Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and I'm just like, oh my

Lynn:

gosh. And then now the kids are like. Megan Thee Stallion, I'm like That's true. I don't even know. I don't know either. I'm still listening to the same shit. Yeah, me too. Me too. Me too, girl.

Krishna:

Yeah. and so yeah, it was really interesting. And I was like, I was a daddy's girl through and through. He was like, Oh, you're my first born. you're the son I never had. and it felt very progressive. Okay, at the time I was like, Oh, yeah, because My dad is an entrepreneur. So he was, he had a realtor's license, a loan officer, I license, a brokerage license. He had, a convenience store, liquor store situation. We've done the hotel thing, like all the things. And so he would take me on all of his like business meetings, take me to the bank to like help do the deposits, go meet city officials, like all these things, So I got such great exposure to very, adult operational type things at a young age. and I was like, okay, cool, yeah, me and my dad are like homies, right? But I didn't realize, childhood trauma, like, all these things weren't even on our radar at that time. And me and my mom did not get along at all. there was a clear divide. It was my mom and my sister and it was me and my dad. And if my parents were both pissed at us, then it was my mom and dad versus me. Because my sister never got into trouble. Aww. Because she was a baby. Babies, you know, it's tough. Yeah, tough. So, it was just, it was really interesting. I was a daddy's girl through and through. I graduated college, or high school, a semester early. Okay. I didn't start college early, like I started working in order, but I knew I had to get out of the house. Because there's like a pipeline. you finish high school, you go to college, you live at home, so you don't have much of a social Because you're still under the same rules you were in middle school, high school. Yeah. you're still like, oh, you're 18 now? You're like, no. Okay. My rules, right? And what was going around at the time and going around as in like with talk with like other girl cousins and in the community is as soon as you finish college, you would get married. Okay. Okay. Or it's okay, we need to find you someone like, let's go. What's the, what's the situation, right? if you, I feel like then it was like, if you weren't married by 26, 27, There's something wrong, like all hands on deck, let's go. everyone's involved. And so I was just like, I knew I needed a balance and my dad being progressive and traditional, I had learned how to play the game. Okay, cool. It was like, okay, like education is a non-negotiable. Great. I am going to college whether I want to or not. Non-negotiable, we're gonna use them in my favor. And so I applied to all of the in-state schools late. okay. And paid really close attention to all of my out of state schools, right? Letters started coming back. I got rejected from all the in state schools, but I got accepted to all the out of state schools. Interesting.

Lynn:

That's a fun tactic and very funny. Very sophisticated for a 17 year old. Thank you. Wow. Yeah.

Krishna:

Wow. and it was like, there was no way it was going to be, you can't go to college because all my cousins, like the society, the community. So I was like, You got it? All right. Which one are you going to? I'm going to this one. Boom. Okay. Pack you up. Let's go.

Lynn:

Okay. All right. So when, when you said when you started working like in that semester early after you graduated, you knew you needed to get out of the house, but it wasn't in a get out of the house in terms of get a job and go work eight hours a day and get some experience. It was like, I need to move. I cannot do the college at home thing.

Krishna:

It was just like, I need to be able to figure out life, right? Or see if it's also like being a teenager, like my curfew in high school was 4 p. m. You guys, like there was no afterschool activities. There was no extracurricular. I got my cell phone at 16. I used to ride the bus home, and the day after I got my phone, they changed the bus route. And this wasn't like, everyone's emailing and texting parents, okay? there's no notifications. And my stop went from being the first stop to the last stop. And so now I'm home 45 minutes later than I normally am. My parents are both at the business. So they're not home. and me and my mom's relationship was such that when she was like, why weren't you home? And she was like, Oh, I thought you got your phone and you ran away. And I was like, no, mom, I need a lot more than a phone to survive. so it was just more of I just, I wanted freedom and I wanted to have friends and not have a 4 p. m. curfew and just be right. And Technically, I should have been like an absolute train wreck in college, like a party animal person. But a lot of the things that my parents taught me stuck with me in the best ways. And so it was just once I got to college, it was an adjustment because yeah, I was away from my family, my cousins, like everyone for the first time.

Lynn:

And

Krishna:

so I was low key like depressed, like I would actually go home every two weeks. To go spend the weekend at my parents, you know, like it was a hard transition. but then the next step is financial independence. To get out of the marriage pipeline is financial independence. Ah,

Lynn:

okay. Question. I want to pause you because you had a very sophisticated way of redrawing your path. before we like, Keep going down that road because I can't wait to hear about it. are there, can I ask, are there any expectations? You talked about college, you talked about education, you talked about staying home during college, marriage, were there any other expectations that you absorbed from your parents Can we just name those before?

Krishna:

Oh, absolutely. The amount of verbal expectations and then the nonverbal, which is what I've been like working through for the last 10 years. Honestly, right? So It's so weird because you don't realize you're being taught two sides of a coin, like two sides of impossible at the same time, until you have to be two sides of impossible. And so what I mean by that, it was, okay, you're the son I never had, you're my first born, like you need to go out, you need to be amazing, look at this child, millionaire. He trades stocks. Look what he did for his family. there was that pressure. And then it was my mom is making dinner from scratch every night. full Indian course meal. Groceries. The house is clean. The laundry's done. and it was bizarre because there became a moment in my adult life, in my 20s, in college, probably before I met my now husband, where I was just like, Wait a second, like this doesn't, like these things don't add up, like the things that you're teaching me, the things that you told me, the things I saw. They don't go together. And so I did the whole financial independence thing. I gained my independence. Me and my parents were good. Like we're still good. I graduated college, moved to DC, tried that whole stint, moved to New York, met my now husband, and I started dating him. And when we were dating, I realized how much tradition was in me, how much of the modernization of like girl power, you can do it, girl boss, girl see, all of that was this desire, but it wasn't necessarily like a desire I had for myself. It was an outside desire that I had taken in.

Lynn:

Yeah. Just absorbed.

Krishna:

Right. And I absorbed it. And then when me and it goes by PK, when me and PK got married, I like, I lost it, like I was so depressed and so anxious and not because of the marriage, like he's wonderful, I got very lucky, but it was like what is my identity now outside of a wife? am I gonna be a housewife? And then Am I okay with being a housewife? Why am I not okay with being a housewife? I do respect housewives. Housewife is work. It is valuable work. Well, wait, what is my salary? What is my value?

Lynn:

Yeah.

Krishna:

As a person in society, if I'm not bringing in an income, I'm very happy that we just celebrated 10 years married because Yeah,

Lynn:

congrats! Yeah, because it's so complex, right? you are getting these messages from all different directions. and because of, I think the generation in which we were both raised, we're absorbing it, not just from our families, but from media, from school, from, community. the wider community of the internet, the wider community of everybody else's opinions, that, 200 years ago they did not have to filter through and figure out what was theirs. There also was less choice. Blah, blah, blah. But yeah, that is, it's, yeah, it's interesting. it's hard work. okay, so I heard like lots of different expectations. From parents growing up. Let's zoom ahead to where and how are you currently spending your days? And then we'll take folks through that, that first redraw of college. Yeah,

Krishna:

for sure. Now, I spend my days painting, and building like a creative business. I want to be a gallery artist. And I've also designed a line of journals. So all the journals have my artwork on it, And then I've designed the inside pages if it's based on a theme. So I have a cycle syncing journal that helps menstruators track their periods and learn more about their hormonal health so they can better support themselves. I'm currently building a relationship journal called The Threads of Us to deepen communication and understanding between romantic partners. I feel like 10 years married, I can offer some insight on how you can make it your own. And that's the goal with my journals. It's not a blueprint of do this. It's, hey, this is what it takes. Test and try and see what works for yourself, but have the data so you know what you're doing, right? if you don't, if you don't remember, like memory is not as reliable as we'd like it to be, then it's hard to know what works for us and what doesn't. And it's hard to identify why it's not working.

Lynn:

And

Krishna:

there's so many things in our society and our culture that don't work. And instead of us saying hey, that just actually doesn't work. We blame ourselves. Yeah, what's wrong with me?

Lynn:

Why can't I make this happen? Everybody else can do this thing. Yep. Everybody else can figure it out.

Krishna:

So the anxiety, the crippling self confidence, low key depression that comes from that, my goal is to reduce, lessen that

Lynn:

with the journals. Cool, which is so fun. I mentioned to you before we started recording that I have started dabbling in the cycle syncing world, meaning read one handout and followed it for a month. And I am hopeful about the power it can bring to my life because like you've talked about the power of it. Friends have talked about the power of it. and specifically for women entrepreneurs, when you're dealing with a very unique set of challenges, I'm excited to explore. The great thing

Krishna:

about cycle syncing is it helps you better support yourself, and then you can show up better in your relationships. I think sometimes, not sometimes, I think as women, it's very important to us as like how we're received and accepted by those around us and even in communities, strangers, there's a lot of pressure we put on ourselves. Yes, we shouldn't have that pressure and we should just be able to exist and be ourselves, but there is the ideal world and then there's the world we live in and then there's the gap. And I find that if we can find ways to support ourselves through the gap, will have a better chance of getting to the ideal, right? Versus just being like, no, this is not it. Here's the ideal. Go for it. You know, like be there. I just think that's very unrealistic and slightly harmful.

Lynn:

Yeah.

Krishna:

Yeah. And so I, with cycle syncing, I'm now a better entrepreneur. I'm a better wife. I'm a better mother because I can set expectations for myself and expectations within my family. Be like, Hey, I'm actually like a little tired today. Like, we're going to chill or I have hell energy. let's go to the park. Let's go do all the things. And so they get a good balance.

Lynn:

That's awesome. Can you, okay. I just had the realization that maybe some listeners do not know what cycle thinking is. Could you give like a two sentence overview for folks? Yeah, that would be so helpful.

Krishna:

Anyone who menstruates has a hormonal cycle and there's four phases and cycle syncing is essentially, I've heard people call it biohacking, which sounds really fancy, but it's more masculine, right? That's true. That too. but it's essentially knowing what phase you're in and how to best support yourself in that phase through nutrition, rest, exercise, mental health support, community, all the things. And so cycle syncing is just knowing the phases and what to do for yourself in those phases.

Lynn:

Cool. I'm hopeful it will help me because I show up, apparently, even though I'm anti capitalist, I show up as an ultra capitalist every single day. And I'm like, do, do, do, do, do, do. Everything is scheduled. Must, must do the things.

Krishna:

I think it's a good jumping off point. I won't ever position anything as like the end, be like, this is the last thing you'll ever need and it's going to be perfect. But I do find that it's like a perfect jumping off point. And then for me, the added layer is nervous system regulation.

Lynn:

And so

Krishna:

now I've incorporated that into my cycles thinking of just being like, okay, I'm pushing myself to do these things. But what is my body telling me? The one thing that I haven't been able to figure out is a fitness workout routine. That is sustainable. I will go hard and I'll fall off. I'll go hard and I'll fall off. I have the yo yo weight, all that. And I'm like, okay, like something is still off. And so now I'm using nervous system regulation to figure out what that is.

Lynn:

Awesome. Very cool. same experience. I will go hard, usually get injured and fall off or, and usually injury for me is a manifest. It's like my fibromyalgia acting up. but whether it's. tear your ACL, or sprain something or just nervous system, fibro, getting in the way, the workout routine. So once you figure that out, please circle back and I want to know the answer. And we will have you share it with listeners. okay. Thank you for that. So right now you're a painter, you're an artist, you are working on being a gallery artist so impressive. I can't wait to hear how you got there. let's talk about, so was the college choice really the first way you redrew your path or tell us about what happened from there. And Your first big redraw. So

Krishna:

I would say I was just like on a path. I was on a path that was laid out for me. Even in college, it was just like I knew how to navigate it with the information I had, right? So it was like, okay, financial freedom, move out, be stable. You can make your own choices. And that's what enabled me to move to DC and then New York after I graduated. Because for most, you go out of state, they end up just moving back home. And then again, You're in that marriage pipeline.

Lynn:

Were you, sorry, was there also a pipeline back into the family business? Or was that not really on the table for you?

Krishna:

I want to say no because I, I was like the black sheep in my family and there's a problem with addiction on my dad's side. So my dad is the one of eight and he's the youngest and his eldest brother died of alcohol. Okay. And it's also of that generation of that time. if you watch old school, Bollywood movies, like all of the heroes, when they're depressed, like they're in a bottle and it's just like the vibe, Which is not the vibe. So my dad is also challenged with addiction and I'm just, I was so pissed when they bought a liquor store. I was like, this makes no sense. Cause as I'm sure many children across the United States were begging their kids, their parents to stop smoking, stop drinking. Cause we were in health ed. We were getting all of the don't do drugs. Right. and he would stop and start and stop and saw, and it was just so frustrating. and so when they bought it, I was like,

Lynn:

I'm not

Krishna:

helping. I'm not doing

Lynn:

like, how old were you at that point?

Krishna:

I was Oh my god, when did they buy it? I feel like I had just entered high school.

Lynn:

Okay. So you went to the picket line. You were like, I will not work here. This is not my place.

Krishna:

Yeah. Or if it was like, I was like the worst worker, right? Like bare minimum, not smiling, not upselling, just whatever, have an attitude, and also I was a teenager and a girl. the cards were in my favor in terms of being a pain in the ass, right? I used all the tools. So they were just like, you know what? Go home. And I'm like, thank you.

Lynn:

Thank God. can't wait to get home.

Krishna:

Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I was just on the written path, but I gained, I did the financial independence thing and wasn't dependent on them for money probably by junior year in college time. It was like working multiple jobs, doing the college thing full time, did a marketing degree. Cause it felt like it was the easiest thing to do. that made sense. Let me do it. but when me and PK got engaged. I had looked on meetup for the artist way because a friend had told me about it a couple of years prior when I was in college and I've never done it and I was like oh this looks like something and I started working through the book and that's when I realized all of these internal scripts and there's That's when I was like, oh my god, like I have a scarcity mindset. I have inner childhood wounds. I have a mother wound. I have toxic father. Like all of these things came out and I'm just like, I literally don't know who I am.

Lynn:

And that was when you were in New York, right? So were you? No, that was in Cali.

Krishna:

Ah, okay. Okay. Gotcha. and I was, let's see, 23. Okay. Okay. 23, 24, 26, 20.

Lynn:

Somewhere

Krishna:

between 23 and 25.

Lynn:

Okay. You had, but you had already gone and lived in DC and lived in New York and were you in, you were doing marketing at that point? Yeah, I was working

Krishna:

at a marketing branding boutique in DC. I worked for a small company. he was like, he was a former lawyer, so he had really good connections. He had a really good business. And I was his first like full time hire. So like, All of the, I'm going to call it like ego vanity metrics were being hit, right? Like I got a job in the recession. I was financially taking care of myself. I was this first hire at this marketing branding boutique in Washington. Like everything sounded so good on paper, right? Really? I was like his personal assistant. Yeah. I didn't have enough confidence. I wasn't sure how it felt. he. He was an entrepreneur basically, so we know entrepreneurs can be a little unorganized, a little chaotic, apparently that's not good for my nervous system, I was very anxious, all the things, and living on my own, it was the first time, and I didn't have enough money to go home for Thanksgiving.

Lynn:

Okay.

Krishna:

So I was in D. C. in my apartment, and I was watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother, and there's sometimes, I don't know if you ever just, feel guided. You're like, yeah, I need to do this. I was watching a show and I was like, the love of my life is in New York. I need to move.

Lynn:

You must be in New York has

Krishna:

to be right. And so I went into work the next day and I was like, Hey, I need to put a notice. Okay. Oh, okay. He is sure, what's up? What's going on? I didn't tell him about the love of my life being in New York thing, but I was just like, I've been here for almost a year and I think blah, blah, blah. He's like, all right. He is like, well, about how long do you think it would take you to get everything situated? I was like, oh, two months. He's okay. So I had two months of what's it called?

Lynn:

wrap up time. Like transition time. Thank you.

Krishna:

so that was in than Thanksgiving, so it was early December. During Christmas, I took a bus from D. C. to New York because I had friends on there. I was like, you're gonna help me look for apartments, we're gonna figure it out. Now in the South, when you want an apartment, there's a leasing office on site. You just walk in, they tell you what units are available, you go tour it, you sign it, it's done.

Lynn:

It's

Krishna:

not like that.

Lynn:

Different story.

Krishna:

At all. Had no idea, right? I'm from the South, it just, so I was like, why is it so complicated? It was also the year they had that crazy snowstorm. All the flights were grounded. And so my friend was like, Hey, like we should, you should check out. You should get on a bus. You should get back before it gets worse. We're like, yeah, okay, great. Early 20s. Like we're not thinking things through. We're just in the moment. Check out of my hotel. Can't even get to the bus because it's snowing so hard. Yeah. All the hotels are now booked because all the flights are grounded. Everyone's jacked up their prices. Like I can't afford. Oh no. And so through that, and the friend, he's a Pakistani guy who lives with his parents. I'm an Indian girl. I can't go stay with him. It wasn't like, Oh, just go stay with your friend. It was like, no, I need to go find a place to stay. So he's calling all of his friends. We're trying to figure it out. I'm trying to think of who I know in New York. That isn't family, because I can't get back to my parents that I'm.

Lynn:

Yeah. in New York without a place to stay. No,

Krishna:

the Pakistani guy. Yeah. Oh, which is so wild because I was financially independent from them, but there was still this, My parents can't find out I'm here, right? so funny when you think about it. but that's how I met PK. Oh, yeah. I met PK through that friend, through that situation. And one of my girlfriends from college had moved to New York. So I ended up staying with her, connected with PK. We had dinner and it was just, Was he a friend of hers or a roommate of hers? Okay. He was a friend of the Pakistani guy. Okay. The Pakistani guy was actually friends with his sister, his younger sister. Okay. Okay. Wild. Okay. Awesome. So we

Lynn:

met

Krishna:

and then we like hit it off and we kept talking and then I moved and then me and PK were just like together. Wow.

Lynn:

Okay. So back up to when you felt called to New York. So you're binge watching How I Met Your Mother. And New York life looks just so awesome. It's like I think of friends and I think of, all the great New York, gossip girl. Yeah. Yeah. All the great New York shows and life is just so great. And how did you know that? How did you know that you were feeling like guided towards that? How did you know that was the right decision?

Krishna:

There is There's just something, innate, like, when it's clear, it's very clear. It's yes, there's not, any doubt that comes in is definitely from the mind, right? It's just no, this makes the most sense. this is where I need to be. And it doesn't happen often. I very much now say, there are many things that I don't know, but the one thing I do know is I picked the right person in life. Okay. Absolutely. he, it was just meant to be, right? Absolutely. So yeah, I don't, even in our early, dating stages, I was just like, Oh my God, am I really going to, is this the guy that I was supposed to meet in New York or did I just latch on to the first one that was nice to me? Right. I was like, well, shit, we're going to date and find out, And we, and I was like, Oh, well, he's still nice to me. he's still such a great guy. And we did all the things and I had like my list of like non negotiables, And I'm like, all right. And he hit all those. here we go.

Lynn:

Cool. So you just felt this innate sense that it was like what you needed to do. and you're right that so it's the mind is bringing in the doubt, the maybe this isn't the right decision. Maybe I'm going to mess it up. all of that. okay, cool. I love the snowstorm. And I totally get it because I imagine coming from the South or even from D. C., right? You forget that yeah, when there's a snowstorm in the South, everything gets shut down.

Krishna:

And

Lynn:

you kind of assume that doesn't happen in the North, but if you're getting like 10 inches in one day, you can't roll a suitcase through that. You can't get sometimes get to the city bus. Yeah. To get to the subway, sometimes it all does shut down.

Krishna:

and it did. It was wild.

Lynn:

Yeah. Okay. So that New York was like, A big redraw for you and finding that right person.

Krishna:

Yeah. New York was the redraw and then I fell into like advertising agency life and I was a QA for web development. So I basically tested websites before they went live. It's very different than marketing and branding.

Lynn:

So I

Krishna:

was like, okay, I'm in QA. Like it was. easy money, like we're good, we're in New York, it's fine. But then that like corporate hustle was starting to hit, right? Like I'm meeting PK's friends and PK is four years older than me.

Lynn:

Okay. So

Krishna:

everyone's four years ahead in their corporate journey there, and some of his friends didn't go to college. Like they started right out of high school and just didn't think because they had found their niche, right? Something mean they're like, Oh, what do you do? What do you do? Da da da. And I'm just like, Oh my God, like I need to like, and then also just like the overall need. Cause you hear Oh, you should, your retirement. I don't know if you remember, it was like, if you make 30, 000 your first year or 45, 000 your first year, it can affect your retirement by X amount. And it was like this huge number. And so then it came out Oh, if you job hop, you can get better raises. Yeah. Yeah. That's a

Lynn:

way to hack your way to

Krishna:

financial whatever. Yeah. So there was that. And then in the QA pipeline, you can either become a developer or you become a project manager.

Lynn:

Okay. And

Krishna:

I didn't have like graphic design experience, so I didn't feel like I could go into marketing. I felt like I got lucky. Cause really, like I said, I was his assistant. I wasn't doing the design work. I was really just doing admin work. Which, can I

Lynn:

pause you there? Because I feel as, I feel like women often do that where it's I had this job with this title, but I really wasn't, it really wasn't as good as it sounded. Or I have this bachelor's degree, but I'm not a marketer, whatever that means. I hear that a lot. from other guests too, and from friends. So that's really interesting. You were like, I don't know enough about marketing to go into that space.

Krishna:

it's also like when I graduated college, my degree was probably halfway obsolete because Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram had popped up and nothing I learned in school was about that. Yeah. And so it was just like, okay, I know the four P's of marketing, like great. What does that have to do with data and metrics?

Lynn:

Yeah.

Krishna:

So it was just like, okay, I didn't want to become a developer because coding just felt really overwhelming. So I was like, okay, project manager. And so I job hopped. Okay. Project manager. A project manager is basically a babysitter for adults. Okay. I was babysitting grown ass men, making sure they did their job, making sure they filled out their time. I hated it. I was so bad at it. They fired me.

Lynn:

Because, I mean, you were probably like, why am I a babysitter for grown

Krishna:

ass adults? I don't understand why I need to do this. Why can't they just do that? It was, it's phenomenal. but there's money in project management. You get your PMP certification. There's good money, right? And so I was chasing the money because my dad was like, hey, look at this little kid who's trading on the stock market and making all this money. And he retired his parents. oh, I need to retire my parents. I didn't know, these things were, like, driving me, right? getting fired from a job you don't even like is so bad for your self confidence. I was so lost. I was like, I don't know what to do. I only had X amount in savings. I'm dating this wonderful guy. And I'm like, hey guy, I have three months worth of money left and then I will have to move back home unless I find another job, right? And so he's like, okay, well, let's see. And we ended up moving in together, which can be very precarious, right? It's like moving under certain circumstances. How

Lynn:

long had you been dating at that point?

Krishna:

a year and a half.

Lynn:

Okay. Did your family know?

Krishna:

They knew of him.

Lynn:

Okay.

Krishna:

They met him.

Lynn:

Okay, I think

Krishna:

I met him once at that point. I had taken him home once. Yeah.

Lynn:

Okay, but the I

Krishna:

actually okay, so When okay, let me circle back. I have to tell you this because it's cute That's part of the story before I moved from DC that just that January My cousin got an arranged marriage in India because his dad was dying of brain something probably cancer and It was one of those things of fulfilling his last wishes so he could die peacefully. My thoughts on that are irrelevant because they're married and it is what it is. But my dad and parents and a lot of people couldn't go and so I went as like a representative of my family in support of this big life. Yeah. So I flew from D. C. to JFK airport and I messaged PK, I was like, hey, I have a layover, I'll be in JFK, da da da. Just in terms of oh, maybe we can like talk or text or something, right? He's okay, cool, I'll come see you.

Lynn:

Cool.

Krishna:

huh. okay. So it's Friday night, you guys, and he's hanging out with me at the airport. And I'm like, all right, cool. let's see how this goes. And so we have dinner, we're walking around, we're just talking, it's all cool. And then I fly to India for a week, which is absurd because the flight itself is like two days. So I get there, I do all the wedding festivities, and then I fly back. The flight gets delayed leaving Dubai, and so I miss my connection to D. C. when I land in New York. So again, I message him, and I'm like, hey, I'm here, my flight's, whatever. I'm also not feeling good, so I just ask him to give me the next flight in the morning. My thought was just hanging out at the airport. He's oh, why don't you just come meet me? All right, cool. Like, why not? So I

Lynn:

get on the train. Right? Yeah, for sure.

Krishna:

I get on the train. I get lost on the train. So I'm circling in the train.

Lynn:

With no reception, probably.

Krishna:

Finally, I just get in a cab. And I go to his place. And then we go eat and I'm not feeling good.

Lynn:

Oh no. Oh no.

Krishna:

And I'm just like, I don't feel well. And he's okay, how about some soup? He orders me some soup. And I'm like, no, he's okay, how about the, he's ordered me like five different dishes at this point. And I was like, I'm really tired. I just, so we get back to, I don't want to say his place. Cause he was living with his parents. We get back to his room.

Lynn:

I

Krishna:

pass out in his bed. no given. I was so unwell. And, I was gross unwell. stomach unwell. Oh, no. I was there for three days. Oh. Oh, no. Yeah. Like flu, food poisoning, stomach virus, food poisoning, something. I was flying, I went, and so I was like, oh my god, I don't feel good. And my parents are like, where are you? And I was like, hey, I'm in New York. I don't feel good. I'm at a friend's place. I will talk to you about it later.

Lynn:

Yeah.

Krishna:

Now, I was like, I cannot have this fight with you right now. he was amazing. took care of me, kept me comfortable. I, I ended up meeting his mom. It was, like, so embarrassing. She probably wanted to take care of you, too. Who's this girl sleeping in my son's bedroom? and so all of that happened, and then I finally get back to D. C., and I call my mom, and I'm like, hey, It was a boy. He was Indian. He's not the type like because there's like different names or whatever. I was like, he's some different one. I was like, I will either marry this man or I will never see him again. She was just like, okay. And I was like, I'm telling you so you can start processing. Because I don't

Lynn:

know what's about to happen. Process the facts, mom. Yeah. Process what I'm telling you. Okay.

Krishna:

So that was like their first okay, like there is someone somewhere, right? So we moved in together and I filed for unemployment. I had my savings. I was still paying like all the half of my bills because there was this like Oh, I can't be financially dependent on him. oh yeah. Yeah. We're not even married. what is he going to think of me? and so then I got a communications job at a French bank. And again, it was like this job that I fell into, which I was good at. It was great. I made decent enough money, but there was no path beyond it. And also I was so insecure after being fired. Like I probably would have ended up staying there. A gross amount of long time, yeah But a year into mine and pk's relationship. I had told him I was like, hey I like I love new york This is great But like I can't live here forever like I can't like this is not where i'm gonna be and he was born and raised in New york

Lynn:

Yeah

Krishna:

All his family are there. We're dating. I was like, I need you to know I don't want it to be like, oh, we've been together for a few years and all of a sudden i'm like, hey We need to move So I was like I give new york five years and then You And he's where are you going? I was like, I don't know yet.

Lynn:

Where are you going? And can I come with you? Or are you leaving me? what is happening here?

Krishna:

I was like, I don't know yet. I was just like that gut feeling of moving to New York. I just, I was like, I know I can't be here. for more than five years. I just don't know where yet because I hadn't gotten the intuition drop, right? I just wasn't sure. And so he was like, okay. And I was like, I just want you to know, I know all your friends and family are here. I'm not telling you that you have to move with, there's no, I just need you to know where my head's at. So he's okay. then a few months later, I lost my job. We ended up moving in together, but it still stood, right? Yeah, like I need you to like, I still can't be here. he was getting fed up with New York and the weather and the commute and all the things. And through a job opportunity, he got the, like the option to move to California. Okay. I was like, take it. I was like, I'm already packed. We're ready. I will have the whole apartment packed up. We're good to go. let's do it. And so because his professional path was more secure, he knew what he wanted to do. He was doing well at it. I was like, it makes sense for us to move for your job. I will find something when I get to California. I'll do the staffing agency thing. It'll be fine. And that's when I fell into the artist's way and had the brick wall in my face of girl. No.

Lynn:

Yeah. Like you have work to do yourself. can you tell listeners what the Artist's Way is? just so that we like frame it. Cause I know you mentioned you, you went on Meetup and started like working the book. can you like share what it is?

Krishna:

The Artist's Way is a book on you. I think that's the best way to put it. The Artist's Way is you. When you are reading the book and like going through the prompts and the exercises. You will learn who you are, like in that moment, right? So it's for spiritual creatives. That's how it's positioned or marketed. there's journal prompts, there's like activities to do, and there's something called the warning pages, which is most popularly known for. It's like a morning mind dump of just getting all the thoughts out of your head. So you can walk with more clarity, through your days, but really it's like. Sitting down with yourself and asking yourself the tough questions and really Getting to know who you are and why are you who you are.

Lynn:

Okay, so it's a process. It's a process which is bundled into a book and there are tools and practices and techniques that you can follow. And, I'm going to be doing this process with you, which I'm really excited about. were you doing the artist way as a hobby It was just like a side thing, right?

Krishna:

I wanted to meet people because I was alone. PK was traveling 50 percent of the time for work.

Lynn:

So he

Krishna:

was home for two weeks, gone for two weeks. I was not working. I didn't have any friends in Orange County. So I was like, okay, let me not. let me be an adult. let me go meet people. So I did the Artist's Way and we would meet up in Newport and it was like the most mixed bag of women who would probably never have crossed paths, right? one woman, her ex husband is in prison for, tax evasion. One was, like, a former lawyer. One's, it's, the wildest personality, in the best way. the Artist's Way is a 12 week program or, a 12 week Structure. Structure would be the best word. but I think that 12 weeks is only possible if you're not doing anything else like I was. Gotcha. if you're not working, you don't have kids to take care of, or you're not a caretaker for someone, Like I was barely taking care of myself, honestly. Like I was just doing the artist way and then when PK was home, I was playing the role of good fiancé. Yes. While I realized, My whole life was

Lynn:

turned inside out. Oh no! How were you dealing with that? realizing that your whole world was turning inside out.

Krishna:

Probably not well. I think, like, when he was away, I would just be, like, sleeping, Netflix binge watching, barely eating, just like reeling and spiraling in like the most oppressive way, but because no one was there to witness it, no one knows.

Lynn:

Yeah, gotcha.

Krishna:

And then when he was back, it was like, okay, yeah, what are we doing for dinner? let's go out. Let's go to the beach. we were doing things. So there was also no way for him to know. And it's not that he wouldn't have understood. It's just I didn't understand enough to know how to communicate it.

Lynn:

Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. You didn't understand the process or what you were going through.

Krishna:

Like, how do I, how do you tell someone that you're engaged to that you don't know who you are? And that you fear everything that they know about you is a lie.

Lynn:

How do you tell someone that? And you love

Krishna:

them and you don't want to lose them.

Lynn:

Yeah, that fear of loss. And were you, can I ask you, were you looking for jobs at that time?

Krishna:

yeah, I was. And so staffing agency culture in Orange County is so different than New York. It's just like the apartment hunting again. I was like, I was thinking it just transferred. No, like things are different. They're a lot more lax. They're a lot more, they take a lot more discernment in who they're hiring. Versus like New York, they'll push you into positions like, no, you fit like you're, because they get the commission, right? yeah. In LA they're like, no, because it's all about who you know, and you're, it's a little bit more open, than I think. And so I think it was clear that I didn't have the confidence to, I think like my body language was just like not it,

Lynn:

So they were almost, okay, you were perceiving from them that they were labeling you as not having the confidence which equaled to, in your mind, what?

Krishna:

I think I was perceiving to them that like it wasn't quite right, the fit.

Lynn:

Okay.

Krishna:

And it was just like, what do you mean? And it was also like, why can't I fake this enough to

Lynn:

be

Krishna:

like I felt like I wasn't performing masking. Like I wasn't doing it. And I couldn't just get in. I was like, once I'm in, it'll be fine. but it wasn't fine.

Lynn:

Yeah,

Krishna:

I did. I got like a writing gig for a GPS tracking company. Okay. There were truckers on trucks. Okay. And all of the truckers hated this device.

Lynn:

Oh, okay. So you had to write about how great it was.

Krishna:

Right, exactly. So the D. O. T. made all these rules about trucking and like laws or whatever, but it made their jobs harder in a different way without taking them into consideration, right? So they put all these regulations in and so for a business benefit of an insurance break, You'd add this GPS tracker and it would track things. But again, like when you have data, it takes away nuance, right? Like we're, I think we're all learning this very clearly now in 2024. And so I would look into the tracker and see what people are saying and they hated it, but I had to write about how amazing it was. I do not have that skill.

Lynn:

Yeah, it's magic. It sounds like it's magic or making stuff up, right? Like it's not even like fudging that, like fudging the truth. It's making it up

Krishna:

I can't sell you something if I don't think it's gonna be for your best interest, right? So it was like a contract position. They didn't renew with me not surprised right and then I had to look at another I had another position of an operations manager. I had a corner office in Irvine. again, looked good on paper. This lady was just running a hobby. it was some power trip role that she was playing. She would hire girls fresh out of college. And It was so toxic, you didn't know what you were walking into every morning. Yeah. And, one of the employees had, a little list of, everyone who left.

Lynn:

Okay, wow.

Krishna:

And she showed me the first day. She's oh, I wonder if you'll be number 15. I'm like, oh, okay. Why hasn't that employee left? Why are they not taking the hint? Because she knew how to play the game. Ah, He understood the personality of this person. And so she did what that person wanted But the designer knew, If I keep her happy, she'll never let me go.

Lynn:

Yeah. Yeah.

Krishna:

And they keep working for her for five years.

Lynn:

Whereas

Krishna:

I was like, no, we need to serve the people.

Lynn:

Yeah. Yeah. And trying to do that and advocate for that. Here are our real clients. In a toxic environment, it sounds

Krishna:

Yeah,

Lynn:

I was not there

Krishna:

a lot. So then I started consulting. I was doing social media marketing, consulting for small businesses that I would get from like friends or referrals and things like that. And again, that was just like to scrape by. And then when I was doing the artist way, I took a bunch of art classes. I took watercolor, oil painting, paper marbling, like just all these different things to get a feel for it. And after we got married, Again, I was like, oh, okay, like we're married now. That means we have to move like suburban life. that's

Lynn:

just the recipe

Krishna:

Yeah, that's what we were told to do. I'm still trying to figure this out. And so we moved to Sacramento

Lynn:

Okay

Krishna:

family there So we moved in with them and the theory was we'll live with them when we save up for a down payment to put on a house in Sacramento

Lynn:

Mm hmm

Krishna:

for six months I taught art to kids while I was there. I opened up a little art business, and I was like, Okay, this is fun. I do enjoy doing this. I'm still testing things out. I was working at Michael's art store. Fun!

Lynn:

Did you have an art background besides? Doing the artist way and like marketing, there's like graphic design and you were in advertising, but did you have a, I don't know, quote unquote, traditional art background? I

Krishna:

took Art 101 my first year of college. Me and the teacher were not friends.

Lynn:

And

Krishna:

I was like, no, I'm not doing this. I'm out. I never took another art course again.

Lynn:

Okay. So you were teaching art classes to kids, working at Michael's, saving up for a down payment. Yeah, and HiMyFit

Krishna:

fam, I was working out, doing the whole thing. And, we were there and one of our friends, his wife unexpectedly passed away from a blood clot. Oh my gosh. Random. And it was like really jarring. And I was like, We don't want a house. this is everything closes at 9pm in Sacramento. I'm like, I need to get back to a city. So we're like, okay, this is not for us. We moved LA.

Lynn:

okay. So that that kind of woke you up, it sounds And PK was on board with yes, let's do Sacramento. And yes, let's go back. Let's do LA.

Krishna:

Right? Bless him. what an amazing guy, right? He's just okay, cool. Let's do it. And at this time, he was traveling for work still. So from engagement till Sacramento, he was still traveling. So that was like 2014 to 16. So he was getting tired of traveling. So he started like applying to jobs and stuff like that. And we moved, he got a job in LA and it was good to go. And so I was like, all right, what am I doing? And I had a client, I had a few consulting clients. I was still paying my half of the bills, like all the things, right? Like we didn't have these conversations. I'm like, no, it's fine. I still wasn't sure how to bring it up. Cause I wasn't like, I wasn't in therapy. I wasn't actively doing the work every week, like we, I feel like people do now. It was like, passively happening or happening to me.

Lynn:

okay.

Krishna:

and I was having fights with my dad, cause all of that started coming up of you can't talk to mom like that, like you can't do this, oh, you think you know everything cause you're married now, Those riffs started happening. So I was like, I was starting to see those scripts in myself.

Lynn:

Yeah.

Krishna:

I would feel bad about myself for being home and being a homemaker. And it was like, oh, like my dad's vision of that wasn't,

Lynn:

Yeah.

Krishna:

So we started having conflict. P. K. and his parents were having conflict. So me and P. K. are like on the other side of the country. And we're just like, all right, it's me and you. this is it. and We were just enjoying our time together and he was like, Hey, I'd like to start a family and I'm like, okay, like, let's wait a little bit longer. And I had already held off for about a year at that point. And I had been told I'd have like fertility issues. Like I'd been told that all my life because I had irregular periods. So I

Lynn:

was

Krishna:

thinking on it not happening. So I wouldn't have a hard conversation. Yeah. Yeah. We got pregnant so fast. It's ridiculous.

Lynn:

That was all those medical professionals that predicted. And you were like, I they made their predictions. And I feel like they are going to be right.

Krishna:

Of all the things to be wrong about. Why this?

Lynn:

I don't I'm not ready to tell him. I'm not ready for kids.

Krishna:

Twins, high risk pregnancy, same sack, like, all the things, right? So I'm just like, okay. So that was like a huge, okay, Krishna, you don't know exactly what you want, you're not speaking up for yourself, you're in these situations, you're about to have these children, what is going on? and then at that point, I was just like, okay, let's like rally. So I had the girls, they're healthy, it's great. The first four months were like the hardest. I was just like, So mourning the loss of life before because it was just it was convenient and relaxing and easy, And I think by the time like 2020 happened Everything was shut down and it was like alright something needs to change like I can't keep going like they can't be raised Like in this they can't be raised seeing this. I can't be this example like How old were they at that point? 2020, they were going to turn, it would have been three in October.

Lynn:

Okay. And you were just feeling, okay. And you were feeling, okay, we're going through a pandemic and I feel lost, a mess, all the things.

Krishna:

Cause all the businesses are shutting down, right? Shipping, all that stuff was down. So like a lot of my clients were like, were all on hold, so all of that had stopped, right? So it's just okay, that's fine. I had a feminist t shirt company for a few years that did really well.

Lynn:

Okay. 2016,

Krishna:

2017 when, Trump was doing his thing, but it wasn't good for my mental health, so I had shut that down because I was like, again, I'm gonna raise kids, I can't be socially, anxious and all this stuff all the time, and in 2020, one of my friends was like, hey, I want you to paint. my pet for me into a pet portrait and was like, okay, yeah, I'd love to. And so I started reading all the books. I tried all the things like waking up at five and having me time first before everyone wakes up. That does not work for me. So I stopped doing that and it took me about 18 months to finish painting that portrait. And in that time we moved across the country because the pandemic was like never ending. The kids got older, they were in school. It was just like, okay, like now I was in therapy finally, right? And so it was like, let's work through all these wounds. So with therapy and journaling, it was really like the next pivot. And I think the last pivot really was when I fell for a crypto scam.

Lynn:

Okay, wait. I'm on the edge of my seat. Were you, when you moved across the country, okay, you were painting this one pet portrait. Yes. were you still doing your social media consulting business?

Krishna:

Yeah, a little bit. I was working for one consulting firm and then they had picked up a non profit. The consulting firm ended up not working out, so I wasn't working with them anymore, but the non profit wanted to continue working with me. So I still work with that non profit today. we've been working together for three years at this point. It would just be weird, not to, but I started painting. I really enjoyed it. I got a few more commissions. I sold a few originals. I was like, oh, I want to do this, but I wasn't sure how to show up online. I was like, I don't know how to market this. Yeah. posting and being on social is easy when you're just a passive consumer. Yeah. you're just having fun with it.

Lynn:

Yeah. But when you're selling yourself, your art, which is yourself, a reflection of yourself, it can be really vulnerable. Exactly. And were you thinking of yourself as. Quote, unquote, an artist. At that point, no, you were thinking of yourself as Krishna the what? Fill in the blank. The what?

Krishna:

The painter. Okay, the painter. Because I wasn't sure, right? there's digital downloads, there's Etsy prints, right? So it was like, okay, like the scarcity mindset again, the money mindset. Okay, I want to make money. How do I do this? People love flowers. I don't paint flowers all the time. I have painted them sometimes, but that's not and so then it became this okay Do you want to make money or do you want to paint what you enjoy? And then it was, if you want to make money, why not just go get a job and make money and then paint what you enjoy? Because painting is supposed to be for joy, right?

Lynn:

And

Krishna:

I was like, all right, I can't actually go just go get a job because I have kids now. They have needs, like scheduling all the things. I also still don't think I would do well in that setting, if the past has taught me anything,

Lynn:

right? Yeah, and had you had the conversation with your husband at that point about, are you still doing the, I believe I need to pay 50 percent of the bills? Oh, no. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Krishna:

After the kids were born, I feel like that was like, when we were pregnant and stuff, we were having, then it was like, I was like, hey,

Lynn:

You figured out a different way to both take care of your needs and

Krishna:

Well, it's also, I had an out. Let's be honest. I'll be very honest about this. I had an out. It was like, hey, I'm going to be home taking care of the kids, because now I was contributing. I had no idea. Ah. I felt more comfortable being like, hey, I won't be able to contribute in this way because this is how I will be contributing. Versus when it was just me and him, what was it like? He cleans, he's more cleanly than I, he's more than I am, oh, you cleaned up after me, so I shouldn't have to, it didn't make sense.

Lynn:

Yeah. And I want to like, just for listeners, Krishna said, because then I was contributing, I had quote unquote value. So I just want to bring that alive.

Krishna:

Thank you.

Lynn:

As okay, then I have value because I'm taking care of kids. And yes, okay. Which

Krishna:

again, is valuable, but not you see what I'm saying? Like it's such a mind. I am trying not to swear. I don't know why.

Lynn:

you can swear all you want on redraw your path.

Krishna:

Well, it's such a mind fuck of what you deem as valuable. And then there's also like the standard you hold other people to versus yourself. And so there was a lot of that happening, but over the last few years with therapy, doing the journaling, reading the books and stuff, I'm like, okay. This is where I'm at. And I think he's just so happy to see me happy, Like he's been so supportive and so patient. He's just whatever you need, we'll figure it out. And so I'm just like, okay. And I'm finally, like I said, we've been married 10 years. I'm finally like, okay, yeah, he's not going anywhere. Like I can say my piece. It'll be fine.

Lynn:

That's awesome. That's awesome. It sounds like though, you had to do some A lot of figuring things out as you went from the painter to the artist or the entrepreneur or the successful, creative entrepreneur, right?

Krishna:

So I have, I had this mindset of oh, I need to make money. I need to make money. I need to make more. And the reality is, if I was if you were to look into my life and you would see it, I'd be like, girl, you're fine.

Lynn:

Your

Krishna:

husband makes enough money for the, for you. We're very blessed. We're very lucky. It's not that, oh, if I don't sell a painting or I don't sell a journal, we're not going to have groceries. I, Myself, I'm not in that situation, but I see it so frequently in art spaces or like in these spaces, that I was absorbing that script.

Lynn:

Yeah.

Krishna:

I need it. And so in that scarcity mindset, I had this, I have the marketing, the non profit marketing client, and I think I had been, I was pitching someone else and it fell through and I was like, oh, I really need to make more money. And it was like this need for faster, like faster, more faster. And it was a momentary like slump and the crypto scam got me. Okay,

Lynn:

tell me, tell me more, and how did that result in you redrawing your path?

Krishna:

Absolutely. with the need to like, make more, want more, faster, all the things, and also being a people pleaser, I like, so badly wanted people to like me that I would let people treat me badly. Or the bar was low. So I had a friend, quote unquote, who's actually just an acquaintance. Whenever we would talk she would drop off or whatever it would be or be like short answers And I would always just brush it off oh, she's having a hard day Like maybe she's busy. You know what I'm talking, right? Yeah. Oh,

Lynn:

yeah. Yeah. I feel like I am that friend also

Krishna:

Sometimes we also drop off. Yeah, exactly, but it was like It just didn't make sense. So when her account got hacked, and I was getting like short answers, I was brushing it off as oh, maybe she's just she had a broken bone, like she's in pain, maybe she's just in pain, whatever it is, right? And she's yeah, like it's fine. And I knew that she was also trying to earn more.

Lynn:

And so

Krishna:

she's yeah, like I tried this thing and look, like it worked. And I'm like, oh, okay, cool. And so FOMO, people pleasing and a bit of ego came into play and was like, oh, if she can, I want to make that much too. yeah. And so I was like, yeah, let's do it. and I'm going through the steps and the universe was trying to warn me because things were glitching.

Lynn:

Okay, on my crypto. Yeah, like on my bank, on my sign

Krishna:

in. Yeah, everything was like, it was stop and think. I'm like, no, because I was in scared. I was like, oh, man, I was already spending the money mentally, I can get the girls this, they can get this support, we can put them in this therapy, I can get PK this gift, I can, I was really, you know, four hours later, it's obviously a scam, I'm like, what the bank, I'm like, hey, can we do a stop payment, duh, they're like, okay, we can do this, but this amount, that's gone, all the, I'm like, okay, that's fair, I'll take it, whatever, and I looked at my husband, and I was like, am I stupid? And he was like, no, and I was like, no, really? I was like, how can you respect me right now? Because I don't even respect myself. Ugh,

Lynn:

the things I'm sure you were saying to yourself.

Krishna:

Yeah, so I was just like, but then it hit me. I was like, I was so quick to give this person a thousand dollars because I thought they were going to turn it into more. Why won't I give myself 1, 000? Can

Lynn:

you say more about that?

Krishna:

Yeah. Cause it was just like, I had scarcity mindset. So I wasn't buying the art supplies because I didn't know the value in it. I wasn't investing in the course because I didn't know the value in it. I couldn't look at my husband and be like, Hey, can we budget X amount? Because I really want to do this. Without turning into a business, because that's what my dad had taught me. Okay, what's the ROI? If I give you this, what do I get back?

Lynn:

Yeah.

Krishna:

Which is great parenting technique in the sense of teaching consequences. Terrible for self-worth

Lynn:

Yeah. And hobbies

Krishna:

and interests. Because like I, I have hella supplies. if you were like, I have a lot of stuff now, And then my husband's yeah, sure. whatever you want. let's get it. Where do we get it? Let's go pick it up. And. It was like, I, if I give you 1, 000, I don't know what you're going to do unless you tell me every single thing that you're doing in that moment. And then whatever the ROI is comes back to me, then I will know.

Lynn:

If

Krishna:

I give myself 1, 000, I know what I'm doing every day.

Lynn:

Yeah, you have control over that.

Krishna:

Like, why am I not showing up for myself? Why do I lack discipline? Why am I not following through? what are these things? And like literally an hour, like it was like that night the kids had gone to bed and I was like, and I told him, I was like, I'm an idiot. I can't believe I fell for this. I was like, honestly, you should say you're an idiot. Yes, but it's okay. I still love you because those are the facts. But also I need to do this for myself. I need to take a thousand dollars and invest in myself.

Lynn:

And

Krishna:

that was like in November, December. In March, I came across like a surface designer on Instagram. And they basically make patterns and prints that you see on fabrics and pillowcases and curtains and things like that. And she had a whole seven day free webinar situation. Okay. And I was like, I didn't vibe with her completely. And I was like, something is just not quite a good fit. But there was another artist that I had been following since California, since The Artist's Way. So it's been like 10 years at this point. And she's built her business to a six figure business. And she sold courses and I'm like, I definitely trust and know her. Like I took a class from her in person. so I bought one of her courses. I learned everything I need to know about licensing my art, all the things. And I'm like, okay. It's I don't want to license my art

Lynn:

now.

Krishna:

And I came across Diana Davis through a Tik TOK video. There was a cookie baker that she had as a client who like, just popped off in her business. And she sounded so happy and aligned, so grateful for her business. It wasn't stressing her out. Like it didn't seem like something she had to do, It was like, I have to do this now. Okay, who's this person? So I filled out their little intake form, put the guy out on a waiting list. She had a free master class. I showed up and I like raised my hand and asked all the questions. Like usually I like sit in the back and observe, right? Like I want to know and She went deep with me. She was like, do you want to do free downloads or like downloads? I was like, no, I was like, I want to do like big work. And she's like, then don't worry. she's like, then don't think about it anymore.

Lynn:

Because you have your answer.

Krishna:

It was like, why, like, why are you doing it? And I was like, oh, okay. And so she had a three month course.

Lynn:

Okay.

Krishna:

3, 000,

Lynn:

not a thousand,

Krishna:

but it's a thousand a month.

Lynn:

But you were, I'm sure you were like, oh, is this.

Krishna:

Kind of, but I was also working with a marketing client and stuff and I had like I had built up enough savings. Again, I was talking more honestly with my husband about where I was financially. You know what I mean? I was like, I'm going to do it. Best decision ever.

Lynn:

Okay. You invested in yourself.

Krishna:

Yes. I invest in she is an amazing coach, like so good. And again, it's like I was telling you about the journals in the beginning. She doesn't tell you, okay, you have to do one, two, three. You need to figure it out for yourself and she helps you figure it out for yourself. yeah. And now I know. And I'm like building skills, I'm building strategy, I'm learning the things. I'm in the process of learning all the things of how to run my own podcast.

Lynn:

Okay.

Krishna:

And so July was my month for FAFOing, it was my fuck around and find out month and I was like doing all the things and having all the fun and I totally burnt myself out in the best way. And in August I'm slowing down. And so even like today I was telling my husband, I was like, I'm slowing down and I feel better, but my mind is like, nothing's getting done, what the hell are you doing?

Lynn:

what? Let's go here.

Krishna:

Yeah. And I, because I recognize it. I'm like, no, we're good. sit down.

Lynn:

Yeah. Okay.

Krishna:

I'm working on it. Like I have my pieces and this allows me to show up in my business, show up in my marriage, show up with my kids. in a way that feels fulfilling and not draining.

Lynn:

Which is a, really hard thing to learn and put in place every day. and if you're like me, you can learn it, and then you put it in a notebook, and you put that notebook aside, and you're like, okay, that was lovely. back to the grind. so can I ask, has this last process you've been through, helped you think differently about yourself?

Krishna:

Oh yeah, absolutely.

Lynn:

Okay. Absolutely.

Krishna:

I'm not falling for any crypto scams. Very happy to say. I'm also not looking for, like those, there's so many of those like work from home jobs. Oh, you can make da da da, which are all just funnels for scams or getting your identity stolen. Yeah. I'm no longer looking into, before it was like, oh, what can I do for more money? What can I do as a side hustle? What can I do? It's no, I don't.

Lynn:

Yeah, like this job looks interesting. I could do this for a little while. okay. So I'm curious. So like knowing you've gone through all of these redraws and I love that. Your latest redraw was a long journey of, or like all of them came from your long journey of unraveling, peeling the layers, whatever metaphor you want to use, but also unlearning, reteaching yourself, like building patience with yourself. Is there any advice that you would share with listeners, who are thinking about redrawing their path or considering that, for themselves? Oh, man.

Krishna:

Okay. If you are going to redraw your path, my advice would be to one, make sure it's you who's holding the pen.

Lynn:

Okay, boom. Sorry, the mic just dropped on the floor because that was amazing. Make sure it's you that's holding the pen. Okay, say more.

Krishna:

yeah, because I have pivoted in life thinking this is what I'm supposed to do so many times, even in my business in the last couple of years. It's been okay. I should do this. I have to do this. This is, and it's no, like what do you want? And then if you don't know, take the time to figure it out. There was a, I recently watched a TikTok and it was like, I would rather embarrass myself walking through the wrong door than stay in the wrong room for the rest of my life.

Lynn:

That's beautiful.

Krishna:

And so if you're going to redraw your path, I would say make sure it's you. Or whoever's guiding you are people that are actually like meant to guide you. be very picky. Yes,

Lynn:

yes, so important, especially for those who are maybe highly sensitive or can be, very malleable or, you hear some good advice and you think that advice is for you,

Krishna:

right?

Lynn:

It might just be good advice, but that advice might not be.

Krishna:

Or someone makes a suggestion and you think that, oh, you need to take it for whatever reason, a lot of unlearning to do.

Lynn:

Yeah, cool. Krishna, I so loved hearing your story and talking through it all and hearing like the messiness and unraveling. Because you're a beautiful blossom of a human being. And that is amazing. And I think it is a testament to all the work that you have done. so thanks for coming into my life. Of course. and where can people find you? and is there anything you wanna share in case they want more of you in their Yeah, for

Krishna:

sure. So thank you for having me. First off, it's been such a pleasure getting to know you. And also it's just wild to recap your story and see the path you've drawn. So thank you for that. that opportunity. for people, if you want to find me, my Instagram and my newsletter will probably be the best right now. I am slowing down as I work on as I work on a different, implementing some different strategies, so I'm going dark, quote unquote, but I'm still around. So social media newsletters, but I have a lot of exciting things in the pipeline, so definitely follow.

Lynn:

Cool. I will put those links in the notes and I'll be ordering your cycle syncing planner today. Thank you. It was so great to be here. Thanks for listening to Redraw Your Path with me, Lynn Debilzen. If you liked the episode, please rate and review. That helps more listeners find me. And don't be shy, reach out and connect with me on LinkedIn and sign up for my e newsletter at redrawyourpath. com. I can't wait to share more inspiring stories with you. See you next week.